Is Your Past Haunting You?

Does your past dominate your life? Are you stuck reliving past mistakes? For example, do you sometimes feel you can’t move on because of your difficult upbringing? Or that if only you’d had more support when young your life now would be easier?

Are you allowing your past to hold you back, using it as a shield to play safe?

It’s Never Too Late!

I firmly believe it’s never too late to try and create the life you want. Just start now – whatever the circumstances of your past.  People have survived horrendous life events (Read about this amazing holocaust survivor here) and in spite of that, (or maybe because of that), gone onto do amazing things with their lives!

Always aim high. If you give yourself low expectations you’ll probably not be disappointed. But set yourself high and worthwhile aims and you may discover more about yourself than you ever imagined possible!

If you find your past coming back to haunt you, if you hear that nagging voice in your head telling you you can’t do it, take a look at this longer article. Try out the exercise contained within it,  and aim to put the past where it belongs- behind you! Eyes front and upwards!

If you’d like some support with creating your new life there are masses of articles on this site, and you can also sign up for a regular injection of enthusiasm via my newsletter! Or check out my coaching here.

How Not To Be Ordinary!

There are a few studies around that show that actually doing things for other people may boost your own willpower and stamina!

Research carried out by Kurt Gray, Harvard PH.D. student, seems to suggest that people who are doing something they consider to be morally good for others, receive in return a boost to their efficacy, and also feel stronger and suffer less discomfort. He believes that attempting heroic acts gives you more of what is needed to perform heroic acts!

He describes the effect as “moral transformation” on the basis that good deeds are able to transform someone from ordinary to exceptional.

The findings came from the results of two studies. In study number one, volunteers were given a $1 note with the instruction to either donate it or keep it.

Then they were requested to hold a 5lb weight up for as long as possible. The ones who gave their note to charity held the weight up for 10 seconds longer on average.

The second study involved volunteers writing one of three story choices. The choices were: one where they as a character harmed others, one where they did good, and one where they did neither. They also had to hold a weight up at the same time. Those who wrote about helping others were able to hold the weight for longer.

So now you know how super girl got her powers! Go on, be heroic today! Do something wonderful for someone!

Can You Stop Feeling Guilty?

‘Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man’ – Erica Jong

Well, I might take issue with the idea implicit in this that men don’t feel guilt; I know they do. But my experience suggests that we women may hold the record for feeling lots of it in almost every area of our lives! Women are very good at feeling guilty!

I’m not talking about profound and deep seated issues here, which require psychiatric intervention and truly blight lives. That is a complex and much more difficult situation to manage.

I’m talking about the many pangs of guilt we feel, sometimes fleetingly, sometimes continually, every day.

For example, do you feel guilty if:

• You don’t take that phone call from a friend you know will drain you emotionally?
• You skip breakfast and then eat a bagel with cream cheese and a bag of crisps and no fruit?
• You love your work but think you should spend more time with your family?
• You were too tired to listen properly to your partner?
• You hate housework?
• The idea of being a domestic goddess makes you ill but…?
• You don’t weigh in at the ideal weight for your height (not tall enough probably, that’s my excuse)?
• You feel guilty because you keep feeling guilty about things…?

Try ‘The Get Rid of Guilt’ Exercise!

Every time you feel the guilt pang, make a note. How many times in a day do you feel guilty?

Look at your list and try to honestly answer these questions:

Is that guilt yours? By which I mean, have you contravened your moral code, done something you feel ashamed of? Or, as in some of the examples above, have you not lived up to someone else’s’ ideal of what womanhood should be?

And finally, is it an indicator for you of a problem you need to tackle in your life?

I have another favourite quote to share-

‘It’s always better to feel guilty for something you’ve actually done, rather than something you’ve left undone!’

Why Do You Work?

Here’s a quick question for you to ponder:

Why do you work?

The obvious answer is money but dig a bit deeper than that. What does work give you?

Your list may include:

• friendship
• training
• personal development
• status
• getting out of house
• connection with wider world
• opportunity to network
• opportunity to take a few risks
• opportunity to stay in comfort zone
• ability to contribute, to make a difference
• being part of a team
• keeping you up to date in your field

Of your own list, what is the most important to you?

You’re Worth It!

Are you really good at setting yourself goals and targets but then seem to find yourself falling short?

There are probably many reasons but one of them may be that you are focussing too much on very practical goals, for example:

‘I will lose 14 pounds by December‘.

Instead try thinking more about what you want to feel like in December. Why is losing 14 pounds important to you? Do you want to feel more attractive? Do you want to feel more healthy? Do you want to feel more confident?

Once you’ve worked out what the ‘feeling’ goal is implicit in your practical goal, try focussing on that and see what happens!

What tips/advice/techniques have you find useful in making sure you reach your goals?

Job or Career?

Having a job is not the same as having a career; you will have very different feelings about a job, usually its just a means to an end. Jobs come and go and can disappear in an inkling, often for reasons well beyond your control.

A career is something you have for life (although you may have several careers in one lifetime!) A career is something YOU control.

I have had jobs (too numerous to mention!) and I have had three careers – as a professionally qualified social worker, as a manager, and now as a specialist in change.

A career is a lifetime experience of making the most of your skills, your knowledge and your life experiences. People with careers tend to read and study in their spare time and it doesn’t feel like drudgery. A career is something you develop and plan. Having a career that you love really does mean that work isn’t working!

It’s your life, your career. Don’t hold back from spending time thinking about and planning your career. It’s time well spent, whatever age you are! There will be knock backs along the way, and times when you leap ahead. But knowing what you want, having goals and milestones along the way, will ensure you get where you want to be and then help you stay there.

What has been the best move you have ever made to help you take charge of your career?