How’s Your Balance?

There are some fundamental pyschological conditions we need to be met for us to feel stable and content; if one of these is out of kilter we can feel very out of control.

Our fundamentals are:

• Physical security
• Emotional security
• Economic wellbeing
• A sense of belonging
• Recognition from others
• Control over our lives.

When we begin to feel our life is getting out of balance in one area we can overcompensate in another, comfort eating for example when we feel undervalued.

Identify Your Strengths

One way to counteract this is to identify our strengths and then invest time in developing them. Energy we spend worrying about we perceive is wrong can be very self defeating and distract us from finding a solution. The more we focus on what ails us, the more out of control we’re likely to feel.

So if you’ve been feeling life is beyond your control lately, try this over the week end:

If you have a problem try to rethink it in your head as a challenge, rather than a catastrophe outside of your control.

Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.

Try and spend some time reflecting and studying your issue, rather than rushing ahead in order to solve it. Talking to a sympathetic, but neutral, listener can be very helpful in gathering your thoughts.

Set yourself a small manageable goal towards resolution, do it, and then set another. This gives time for better solutions to arise and allows you to exert some control. Confronting in a positive way what is happening, rather then trying to ignore or suppress it will also develop your skills and strengths and enhance your self esteem!

What one goal might you set yourself this week end to enhance your overall sense of well being?

Show Off Your Hidden Gems!

What hidden gems do you have stored away that could be working for you right this minute?

Recently I have received a plethora of compliments about my voice and coaching style (thank you!) I was telling my husband, somewhat wryly, that lots of people really seemed to like the sound of my voice. He replied, with due concern for my sensibilities (wise man) that naturally he thought I had a lovely voice but he hadn’t really thought about it before.

And then during a recent course I was delivering a participant came up and said:

“I love listening to you. You make difficult ideas sound achievable and your voice is perfect for this”

I think I’ve always had this voice, although clearly it has matured over the years, but lately it seems to have become a real asset to me. And it made me think about what noticing what is right under our noses (literally in my case!)

Your Gems

We’re with ourselves all the time so naturally we tend to take ourselves for granted. Women in particular are notoriously reticent at ’selling’ themselves and putting forward their skills and qualities. In the UK we still have a slight distaste about what we perceive as showing off. But times are difficult and if you don’t showcase your talents no one else will.Time for a rethink…

The You Audit

If you haven’t taken out your CV for a while do so now. Chances are it is well out of date. I recently asked an American CV specialist (Julie Walraven) how many of her clients were actually unemployed when they came to her. Her answer surprised me. Over 60% of her client base come to her while still in work but they are proactive about their development. They recognise the importance of keeping themselves up to date and ready to meet opportunities as they arise.

It’s so easy to forget what you’ve done if you only grab your CV when applying for a new job. You will have masses of new achievements during the course of a year so keep a record of them. Obviously you’ll tailor your CV to the circumstances but you’ll have a positive cornucopia of material to choose from. You are more fabulous than you know!

View from Outside

And try this:

Ask a representative group of friends and colleagues what they think is your best asset. You may get answers which don’t immediately seem to relate to work, such as you’re always so supportive and helpful. Get them to be specific. This can translate into ‘good team player’,  ‘educator’ or ‘mentoring skills’. You’ll probably be blinded by the glow when you start to uncover your hidden gems!

And if you want to decide for yourself about the voice, there is a free audio download here! It’s called ‘Your Perfect Working Day’. I hope you enjoy it! And if you have any tips and experiences to share, please do!

Friendship and Moonwalking

Many of you will know that I took part this year in the Edinburgh moonwalk. Me and 10,000 others….

It was an amazing event, mainly women plus a few stalwart men. Everyone who took part was encouraged to wear a highly decorated bra, yes, men as well, with the theme of Mardi Gras. And most people were walking in memory or celebration of someone who had been touched by breast cancer; emotions were high.

Me and my mate, Sharon, opted for pink feathers, covering as much of the chesticle area as possible! My daughter Laura, and her cousin, wee Laura, were resplendent in matching painted bras, pink leg warmers, pink tutus, and pink fingerless gloves! They looked gorgeous and finished their 26 miles in record time.

Friends

And as I walked, I reflected upon the special nature of friendship and how extraordinarily rich I am in friends. I am a positive millionaire!

Just undertaking the walk itself came about as a result of the death of a very good friend from breast cancer – 30th October 2009: Ros Herbert. Ros was a nurse educator and every student nurse in Britain today will probably read something that she wrote; some legacy! This reflection on friendship is dedicated to her.

And then there is the aforementioned friend, Sharon, who did wonder, half way round the course, why she was my friend as I had somehow persuaded her that walking through the streets of Edinburgh in a bra at midnight would be a good idea! But she stuck with me and we got round together, taking turns to encourage each other. And we have had some fantastic training walks together (although with hindsight possibly not enough!) marvelling at the beauty of our glorious countryside.

Good friends support and encourage you in your challenges, even if they do secretly think you are bonkers!

I am not going to list all my wonderful friends or this will end up like an over emotional Oscar speech but there are many. Offering encouragement, support, a comforting hug or a friendly nudge, and of course, money in sponsorship. And one of the amazing things about doing the walk was the sponsorship that came from people I have never even met! The world of Twitter is quite amazing. I even had a donation from a lovely guy in the US (thank you Jamie)!

Your Wealth Audit

How well off are you? I don’t mean money: when it comes down to the wire, assuming you have enough to live on, money is not a guarantee of happiness. Research has shown that once a certain level of income is reached (and it’s not that high) happiness levels remain the same. Our happiness does not rise exponentially with our income. But it does rise with friendship. And happy friends make for more happy friends.

So, give yourself a quick audit. How many true friends do you have? What do they mean to you? What does friendship mean to you? Are you a good friend? And if you find yourself with less friends than you would like, what can you do to improve the situation?

“Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer”

What’s your definition of a good friend?

If you’d like to read more about the Moon Walk click this link

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Three Tips to Happiness!

Listening to the news each day can be, frankly, very dispiriting with forecasts of economic gloom and environmental disasters: if we’re not careful we could find ourselves getting caught up in a downward spiral of misery. Similarly, talking excessively about problems and concerns (and I don’t mean sensible evaluation and taking action, but getting to the point when it’s all you focus on) has been shown to cause anxiety and even depression.

Good News

But the good news is that happiness and good humour is contagious too! There are some things that no economic crisis can take away from you, like your innate talents, resources, family and friends. Take a few moments to reflect on those each day.

Three Cheerfulness Tips

1) Stay calm and carry on! By which I mean don’t let yourself get dragged into a cycle of moaning and complaint to no purpose. Go on the complaint diet. Even one tiny moan a day uses up masses of cheerfulness calories so go for a smile instead. When someone starts up a litany of complaints, tell them you are following the complaint diet and will have to decline! Hopefully that will make them smile!

2) Share more! Start talking to neighbours, colleagues, friends about what you have which you can share. Like a power washer perhaps or books? Maybe you have a glut of vegetables you could offer? Once you start opening up in this way it’s amazing what you discover. Sharing a car to go shopping can lead onto sharing the buy one get one free offers which tempt you into buying too much, for example. But it also brings you a closer appreciation of your local community.

3) In times of economic downturn it can feel like you are in competition with everyone else for fewer resources, particularly in work situations. To counter this, think about joining a group and nourish your community spirit together. It might be a coffee club at work, a sewing group, a reading group at your local library, or an allotment club. Find one that interests you or start one of your own!

Try at least one of the above and see if it impacts on your happiness levels. Making yourself more happy is a very altruistic thing to do. Research in the US has revealed that happiness really is highly contagious. The findings show that when you become happy, any friend of yours who lives within a mile becomes 25% more happier too! And a friend of that friend is likely to be 10% happier, and a friend of that friend’s friend (still with me?) will be 5% happier!

It’s a positive civic duty to be a happy soul! I wish you much happiness today!

And please do share your own happiness tips!

Me and Elvis Presley!

Anyone who has attended my training or seminars knows that I have a bit of a thing about Elvis Presley.  In fact, it might be fair to say that I am something of an ardent fan and am still in recovery from the fact that Elvis died three days into my Honeymoon!

When I’m training or delivering my seminars, I play a game with myself and try to mention him at least once (yes, I know it’s a bit weird but bear with me and read on. Most of the time I am completely normal….ish).

However, I do have rules and I can’t just stick his name in at any old juncture; there has to be a real connection or reason. So for example, if we’re talking about achieving dreams, or setting goals, I might just mention that I used to have a long time dream of visiting Graceland which I have now achieved. It has to be a bit subtle (although I do have some women who have attended a few of my seminars and now wait to see how long I wait before somehow making the Elvis connection!)

So I was thrilled to come across this quote which gives me, a coach and personal development specialist, an excellent and legitimate reason to mention him in a post.

Elvis said:
“Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave ‘em all over everything you do”

Sage advice…

Are you clear about your values in life? Whether you are conscious of them or not, they have an impact on what you choose to do, and what you choose not to do. If you are in a role or a relationship that doesn’t sit well with your value base you will never feel right.

So, take some time now to think about the fingerprints you leave behind. What are your values?

Femageism? Watch out!

The population of the UK is ageing. Over the last 25 years the percentage of the population aged 65 and over increased from 15 per cent in 1983 to 16 per cent in 2008, an increase of 1.5 million people in this age group.

Over the same period, the percentage of the population aged 16 and under decreased from 21 per cent to 19 per cent. This trend is projected to continue. By 2033, 23 per cent of the population will be aged 65 and over compared to 18 per cent aged 16 or younger. (Office for National Statistics),

So why are major employers (with a few notable exceptions) still discriminating against older people?  And are you ageist in your attitudes? Do you make jokes about older people that you’d never make about other groups in society because they would sound so bad, yet we don’t notice with older people? Do you put yourself down for being older?

Over 40, Over the Hill?

A good friend of mine has just started a fashion web site for women over 40, called Fashionable Maven. It launched this week but Vicki Day, site owner, has been researching and working on it for months. She plans to feature fashions for women over 40 and as such approached several big clothes manufacturers.

And some said “I don’t want my clothes associated with women over 40″.

Can you believe it? Apart from it being blatant femageism, it shows a sad lack of understanding of the power and increasing number of this age group of women. I’m not going to name and shame but Vicki might on her site at some point!

Fight Back!

Time to take a stand I think. Whether you are over 40 or not, try this exercise for one week:

For the next seven days eliminate all ageist vocabulary and comments from your life. Notice how often you are having ageist thoughts (e.g muttering, ’stupid old fool, shouldn’t be driving’ when actually you may have experienced several ‘fools’ on the road of all ages!) Just try and eliminate the ageist bit, you can still be ‘drivist’!

When you look at someone older than you, don’t see wrinkles and decreasing ability, see wisdom and beauty. Don’t be taken in by the advertising that worships eternal youth! After all, with luck, we’ll all be old one day!

Interview

Vicki interviewed me for her site, which was a novel experience! I’m normally doing the interviewing. You can read the interview in full by clicking here.

PS Interestingly, it was not easy to find a positive picture of an older woman to illustrate this post! So I used my lovely Mum, taken on her 80th birthday!