Bring In the Bling This Week!

Mid February, time for a bit of bling, don’t you think? Can you bring a bit of bling into your life this week?

Sequins

Last night I was sewing sequins. (I love how that sounds!) Yes, last night I was sewing sequins!

Don’t panic, I’ve not taken up ballroom dancing and am now sewing 1000s of sequins onto my ball gown (although that is an idea…). I was sewing them onto something I’d made that I decided just needed a tiny lift. The item was perfectly fine as it was but that tiny bit of bling lifted it into something else. The addition of a few sequins cast light where needed and made something ordinary just a little bit more special. It only added about an hour to the overall time of the project but made a big difference.

Scatter Your Sequins

And that set me to thinking about the coming week. Without really considering it too much, we’ll all probably work reasonably hard and get perfectly reasonable results. A fairly ordinary week.

But if you wanted to lift this week out of the ordinary, if you wanted to scatter a few sequins around, add some bling to your week, cast light to show case you or your work, what would that mean for you?

Would it be rising to a challenge? Making a new friend? Sticking your head above the parapet on a work issue? Signing up for a course? Wearing brighter clothes? Taking a risk in your personal life?

Think about it. Don’t worry at this stage about doing it. Just take a pause and think:

”What could I do to lift this week out of the ordinary?’

Then imagine yourself doing it.

Then imagine how you might feel after you’ve done it.

Now do it!

What are your added sequins for this week? I’d love to know if you’re happy to share!

Take Off Your Pyjamas!

Actually, that’s a message to me; I promise I haven’t suddenly gone all weird on you (well, no weirder than normal!) Read on…

Last week a lovely researcher from BBC’s Women’s Hour contacted me about a comment I’d made on women changing their names after marriage. I didn’t change mine and frankly am always nonplussed that women do, (although I respect everyone’s right to do what they want!) It’s not a legal requirement in UK, more a convention that has its roots in women having no rights and belonging to their husbands, but I’ll step off my women and empowerment soap box and get on with the post!

Radio Star?

The plan was that if time permitted, I would be called to share my views with the panel on the Women’s Hour programme, hosted by Jane Garvey. It wouldn’t really be decided until the day but if I was wanted I’d get a call about 10.00. I had no qualms about what I might say but didn’t expect to be thinking about what I was wearing. This was radio after all!

Now this may come as a shock to you, (!) but when I am working from home I am more likely to be found in old joggers and outsize jumper than smart working gear. And sometimes (sit down now) I don’t even get dressed until I have written for an hour or three and suddenly realise it’s 10.30! I know, it’s totally shocking! I am not always immaculate! As you all are…all the time…I expect. (Although I never coach in my jimjams. I just can’t do it!)

Dressing UP

So, 9.00 a.m. found me at my pc having already responded to several emails and I suddenly realised I wasn’t properly dressed. There was no one in the house, I wasn’t coaching, had no meetings, and the postman’s seen it all before. But I knew I couldn’t stay like that. If Jane spoke to me I am sure she would have known I was dishabille!

So I had to go and get dressed as I do when I’m working, proper working you know, with people looking at me!

I made myself laugh out loud, but actually there is a slightly serious point to be made here. Looking like a scruffy old woman would have taken a little bit of my confidence away. Dressing like someone who knew what she was talking about actually boosted my confidence, even though no one could see me!

It’s fascinating isn’t it? I think most women feel better if they think they look good but I was surprised that it worked even when no one can hear you scream. I mean see you working.

How about you? Are you affected by what you wear even when alone? I’d love to hear from you, especially if you’re women who work from home!

PS All my dressing efforts were in vain as I never got the call! I was mentioned on the show, but no actual appearance. I’m really glad I didn’t go as far as eye-liner now!

PPS. If the knowledge that I always dress well when coaching has enticed you to work directly with me, click here now!

And You Are…?

I don’t know about you but I really hate those networking events where you get one minute to put your pitch, then you listen to their one minute spiel, frantically swap business cards and move on. I never knowingly attend them but occasionally I get caught out and find myself in the circle of wordage doom being herded around like a sheep!

It definitely brings out my naughty child and I hear myself saying ridiculous things, which has conclusively proved to me that no one is really listening anyway, just concentrating on their up coming moment of glory! Sometimes, if I’m really lucky, I’ll encounter a fellow renegade and we’ll slope off together to chat in a corner and leave the one minute spielers to their fun.

So, what follows is nothing to do with awful networking events but is an exercise to give some thought to how you present yourself to people.

First Impressions

I occasionally use this exercise on my women’s courses, like RenewYou; you might like to try it yourself.

Think of three scenarios when you might encounter someone on whom you wish to make a good impression. These might be:

• a person you are attracted to
• someone you think could be a great mate
• a person who may be a potential employer or new client
• your old teacher
• your child’s prospective in laws
• new neighbours

In each scenario what are the key facts about yourself you’d like to get across? What impression would you like to leave them with? Rather than sentences you could try out a few adjectives about yourself.

And then next time you get stuck in a circle of wordage doom you can easily fill your minute! But make sure you don’t accidentally lurch into your ‘person I fancy’ spiel! Although, on second thoughts, it probably won’t matter as very few are really listening!

How To Make Bad Times Better

Do you find yourself waking up, listening to the news and beginning to feel gloomy about everything? The state of the world, economic misery, people losing their jobs, sexism from sport presenters…

Unfortunately it’s really easy to make yourself fed up; it’ll creep up on you unawares and before you know it you’re succumbing to the grumpy stereotype and tutting indiscriminately. It requires a bit more effort to do the opposite. I am not about to advocate that you turn off the radio, TV, stop reading papers etc (although as a change that is temporarily refreshing) because I believe we should engage with the world and try to change things for the good, as much as we are able.

However, I do think we are in the midst of great change, change over which we have little control and which can cause us to feel the classic symptoms of anger, distress, helplessness, and melancholy. I am as susceptible to this as anyone, despite what I do for a living!  I frequently work with people in huge distress about what is happening to their jobs, to the services they provide, prospects for their children, etc. Their despair is genuine and valid, and I often share it.

But I manage the effect it has on me and you can too!

Manage the Effects of Change

One of the keys to dealing with change is to find an area where you can exert some control. Depending on your circumstances and outside events that will vary wildly from individual to individual. One thing you always have some control over is how you feel and respond to the negative stuff that comes your way. No one has yet cut that! 

I am not suggesting that you get all happy clappy and Pollyanna like and come across like someone who hasn’t a clue what is happening! I don’t want you to stop caring about what is happening to others, or to yourself. Keep taking action on what you believe in, direct the anger to an appropriate cause, try and make a positive difference in the world.

A ‘Control Your Feelings’ Exercise

What am I am suggesting is you try this simple exercise each morning and consciously manage your feelings, don’t let them be managed for you!

• As you start your day, pause and think to yourself  ”How am I feeling? How am I feeling emotionally? Happy? Sad? Angry? Guilty? Nostalgic? Vulnerable?
• What has provoked that feeling this morning? Is it an air of general malaise? Is it something happening in my life? Is it something I think might happen? Was it a chance remark? Did my bum look big this morning? (Honestly, when you stop to analyse it sometimes the most insignificant of things can set you off on a grumpy path!)
• Can you do anything about what ails you at this particular moment?
• Can you do something about it later? If so, make a mental note to do it.
• Do you want to feel like this all day? Is holding onto this feeling going to help or hinder you?
• Decide to take control. Consciously decide how you want to feel, don’t let others control that.
• Smile. Research has shown even a pretend smile can make us feel better about ourselves.

I try to do this most mornings; I like to see it as my own personal act of rebellion!

How do you cope with the current uncertainties of life?

Self Help is Indulgent ClapTrap?

If a sign of a good radio programme is that it provokes you to action, then BBC’s Radio 4 Women’s Hour is very good as it has provoked this post!

The programme had a short debate recently between a life coach and an author. The discussion was around whether self help actually makes anyone any happier, given that the majority of self help book buyers are female, and yet the numbers of women with mental health problems are going up.

I found myself (to my own irritation) sat between the two. The coach made many valid points about the value of coaching in helping people to stop seeing themselves as victims, but weakened her authority (in my opinion) by over-advertising her own courses.

The nub of the argument from the author was that coaching is too self centred, too individualised and encourages people to think they can control anything, regardless of external factors. Her view was that this stopped them doing something to challenge the status quo, stopped them becoming active agents for change for the greater good (I am paraphrasing here). She likened it to reality TV which, she believed, encouraged everyone to think they could become a ‘star’ with very little work.

I am sympathetic to the idea that working on issues of one’s own can make us less aware of what is happening in the wilder world leaving us stuck into a ‘I deserve better‘ mentality. Very occasionally, when working in larger organisations, I see this attitude from staff. They are angry about what is happening but don’t always make the connections between what is happening in the world today and what is happening to them. Equally, I KNOW working one to one can be highly effective in helping make positive changes, and also that many of the people I have worked with have made very positive contributions to society as a whole. Coaching done well is not merely self interested new age clap trap!

The author also criticised self help for being a recent phenomenon and symptomatic of our ‘me-me’ times. Well, there she is definitely wrong! You only need to look back at some of the world’s philosophies to see that the idea of choosing how you view what is happening in the world (making the best of it) has a long and venerable pedigree. My personal self help model comes from a Stoic philosopher, Epictetus. He said:

“We are not touched so much by life events themselves but by the view we choose to take of them”

That surely is the founding statement behind all self help philosophies and he made that in AD55!

What do you think? Is self help, or coaching, or personal development indulgent nonsense which helps no one, or does it have a credible role to play in helping people change and achieve to their full potential? I think you can guess my view!

If you’d like to discuss further with me how our working one to one might enrich your life, do give me a call! My confidential number is 01761 438749 or you can use the contact page and I’ll call at a time convenient to you!

I Hate My Job!

Well, actually I don’t hate my job; I LOVE it. But there was a time when I was unhappy at work and really couldn’t see a way out. I was quietly miserable in a ‘good’ job that had ceased to float my boat and the only thing that was keeping me there was the financial security and the prospect of a pension. In time I would have become a sad and moany woman, muttering in corners about a mythical ‘them’ who set out to make life difficult for me (Bet you know someone like that!)

And then one day I woke up! Why was I wasting my precious life worrying about the future and wasting the now? Why was I assuming that whatever I did next would not be as good (and it has been so much better) Why did I think I should be grateful to have the job I had? And why did I think that because I was in my late 40s I was too old to do something different? None of that actually turned out to be true and fear was holding me back. Losing some of that fear literally changed my life!

Resolve to Be Fabulous!

I hear similar comments to those above from women at almost every organisational in house seminar I run. Usually followed by - ‘But you’re so lucky to be doing what you love’. Well, luck had very little to do with it. I worked hard and plotted and planned to get my dream job, and you can too!

I know the economic climate is not great at the moment and I am not saying that making change is easy. However, if you never make a start you’ll never get anywhere. Things will improve and you could be spending valuable time now making yourself fit and ready to grab the changes when they present themselves. You must have heard the phrase ‘Luck is a case of hard work meeting opportunity’

Resolve to put in the groundwork now! Work out what you want to do (my book will help). Make a list of all those who will support you. Plan to retrain if you need to, maybe nightschool, your own reading, or a sideways transfer. You could get get outside professional help like a good coach, or go on a course.  Whatever you do, don’t put it off until better times come along. Start to work on your fabulous future NOW!