To thine own self be true

It’s not easy being a woman in the 21st century, bombarded with generally unattainable images on beauty as we are, being told we can do anything we want as well, (barriers, what barriers?) as well as knocking up nutritious meals in our spare time while channelling Cath Kidston throughout our immaculate homes!

I often work with women who feel they ‘should‘ be something other than they are. The truth is if you’re trying to be something you’re not, something or someone that doesn’t sit comfortably with your value base, then you will always feel out of kilter in your world.  And over time that takes its toll on you. It’s hard to be successful if your heart isn’t in it.

So honour your values, honour what makes you unique, and to thine own self be true.

How do you know when you are being true to yourself? Does your current job do it for you? I’d love to hear from you!

If you’d like to read a little more about values try this What Price Your Value? Or What Does Success Mean to You?

I am in favour of quotas. I don’t agree with Karima Serageldin of Ariadne Capital who said on the programme it’s tokenism and things don’t change. Sometimes you have to force people who have the power, who are in charge and have always been in charge, to make a change. They have no real incentive to change (notwithstanding the fact that their is evidence that boards which feature a reasonable balance for women fare better, read this), when doing so means fewer places at the board table for them. Most incumbents will say it’s a good idea to have more women on boards but won’t actually do anything concrete about it. Or take measures that look good on paper but don’t actually cause a real change in numbers, i.e “Look, we’ve got a woman – now leave us alone!”

I do agree with Maggie Pagano, business editor at Independent newspapers who was also on the programme, who said men don’t feel patronised when they have (relatively) easy access to board seats so why should women (I’m paraphrasing her).

The UK government’s threat to bring in quotas wrought a tiny change when announced but complacency and vested interests continue to rule. We have always needed legislation to change unfair and unequal behaviour in society and we need it now.

What do you think?

And if this topic is of interest to you, do take a look at this interview with Dr Judith Baxter who has undertaken some research into women on boards.

Photo Credit: Carl Dwyer

“Hollywood Women Unite to Break Through the Celluloid Ceiling

With female scriptwriters behind some of the biggest movies, from Juno to Kung Fu Panda 2, it seems the sexism barrier has been lifted. But has it?

Next week the Athena Film Festival will open at Barnard College in New York. The showcase, which commences on 9 February and is in its second year, is aimed at celebrating women film-makers and rewarding their art and successes. It will consist of screenings, awards and the usual parties, but with a feminist slant. Among those getting accolades will be a group of women in Hollywood known as “the Fempire“.

The Fempire consists of screenwriters Diablo Cody, Dana Fox, Liz Meriwether and Lorene Scafaria, who between them have worked on films that range from the quirky indie smash hit Juno to the big mainstream Hollywood comedy Couples Retreat. According to Melissa Silverstein, co-founder of the Athena festival, and the woman behind the acclaimed Women and Hollywood blog, the four women’s award will include the words: “For their creativity and their sisterhood.”

It is the word “sisterhood” that is key. The talent possessed by the women is not in doubt. It is their self-conscious decision openly to promote themselves in solidarity with other women that is different in a movie world dominated by men. It also goes against an enduring Hollywood myth: that women let into the Tinseltown boys’ club won’t help each other out. “There is a mythology that women can’t be friends with each other because they have to compete for jobs. We have to get beyond that,” said Silverstein.

The latest Celluloid Ceiling figures for the top 250 US films produced in 2011 have just been released. They make grim reading. Women made up only 5% of Hollywood directors last year, a drop from 7% in 2010. Even as far back as 1998 the figure was 7%.

“That is a kick in the gut,” said Silverstein. But elsewhere progress is hardly fast-track. In total, women made up 18% of behind-the-scenes roles in Hollywood in 2011 – against 16% in 2010. But that, again, is only an increase of one percentage point over 1998. About 38% of films employed one or no women in the senior jobs that the survey studied.

Overwhelmingly, the pattern in Hollywood is not of progress towards greater female empowerment, but of stagnation or even retreat. In this context the huge amounts of publicity given to the work of women like Bigelow and Hardwicke seem like tokenism at best. “People tend to see them as evidence of creeping progress, that things get a little better each year, and so then we don’t need to think of it as a problem,” said Lauzen. “But in reality the numbers are stable. Surprisingly so. And the number of women directors is actually going down.”

But the decision of women in Hollywood to start forming their own networks raises the question of why Hollywood remains so gender-divided. Of course, it is not alone. Numerous commentators in Davos last week at the World Economic Forum have noted the lack of women present as the planet’s major woes are discussed. In fact, at Davos only 17% of delegates are women. Meanwhile, it has been pointed out that about 84% of guests and reporters on BBC Radio 4′s flagship Today programme are men. But at least in some of these areas progress is being made. In Davos the number of women attending, despite being so small, was at its highest yet – up from 9% in 2002.

Hooray for Hollywood?

Meanwhile Hollywood still stands out in its intransigence and – at the high-profile level of director – for going backwards. There is likely to be no easy solution. “I don’t think there is a magic bullet,” said Lauzen, citing Hollywood studio’s testosterone-fuelled corporate culture and it’s “clubbable” atmosphere.

Silverstein agrees: “It is a very small club and there are very few woman decision makers at the top level.”

Both Lauzen and Silverstein believe that true change in the film industry– which lags notably behind television – will mean getting women into more behind-the-scenes roles, especially powerful positions. Of course, that is precisely where the groups like the Fempire and Maven Films will come in. Women have to start projects and help other women along, gradually transforming the world behind the camera so their choices and tastes can eventually affect the world in front of it.

They also have to defeat the idea that women are only good at movies that women are believed likely to watch. After all, Bigelow’s Oscar-winner was a war film and the biggest female-directed hit last year was Kung Fu Panda 2, a family animation feature not aimed at a specific gender market.

Optimism

There are also a few signs of optimism elsewhere in the ecology of Hollywood. While the giant studios that produce and market most of the main Hollywood films are bastions of male dominance, especially the higher up you go, the media that reports on those behemoths is increasingly woman-led. In fact, many of the highest profile Hollywood journalists are women. Queen of the pile is the legendary Nikki Finke, founder and editor of the website Deadline Hollywood. Then there is Sharon Waxman, editor in chief of its rival website The Wrap. Meanwhile, Bonnie Fuller has started the gossip website Hollywood Life. But it’s not just online that women rule the roost. At the Hollywood Reporter – often considered the trade bible of the movie industry — the editorial director is Janice Min. This mini power-shift has itself led to the occasional sexist backlash.

But for now a lack of women in power in Hollywood is still hiding behind the success of a few big names. “You don’t see a lot of overt sexism. But you do see a lot of denial,” said Lauzen. ” End of article

So it’s not just our own dear BBC that is playing down women’s contributions. In fact, I see it everywhere. As an exercise I took a look through through my liberal type newspaper this morning. A good quarter of the paper is devoted to sport but there was not one woman’s sport featured, not even a hint. It was as if women don’t play sport at all… Fortunately this same newspaper managed to find space for some fashion shots of young under weight women wearing unwearable clothes (that’s a contradiction, I know but I’m on a roll here!)

Speak Up

I’ll say it again; wanting women to have a transparently fair opportunity is not about doing men down. It’s about trying to raise awareness of the issues and practices which are so long ingrained that most of us don’t even see it any more. My Speak Up course is emphatically not about putting men down; it’s about putting women up. We’ll be looking at some of the issues for ambitious women in the workplace and, together with the latest research, coming up with strategies which will work for individuals. We can’t change the whole of society but we can make a start!

Full details of the Speak Up one day course for women, at the gorgeous Royal Crescent Hotel are available by clicking here.

Ageism.

So many of us are continually giving ourselves a negative message about old age and making comments that we would never utter about other sectors of society.

And worse, we do it to ourselves all the time, reinforcing a negative message about something that should be a cause for celebration. In the UK our longevity is increasing. Compared to our forebears we are living longer and more healthily than ever before.

Power of self talk

We all know how powerful the internal messages that we give ourselves are. If we continually tell ourselves we are old so we can’t do things, then we can’t. You know the old truism, if you say you can, you can. If you say you can’t, you can’t. Both statements hold true!

So next time you hear yourself making a derogatory joke about being older, pause a while.

Stop all the derogatory or comical references to ageing for a day, especially in relation to yourself. It’ll probably be harder than you think. You’ll be surprised just how many you make. “It’s my age” are banned words for one day as are ‘look at that stupid OLD duffer hogging the middle lane (lots of stupid young duffers hug the middle lane, nothing to do with age!),

Hopefully we’ll all grow old, so let’s show a bit of respect and banish ageism!

Take a look at Age & Women for more on this topic.

PS I run a course on valuing experience and making the most of experienced workers. If you’re interested in finding out what it can do for your organisation, do call 01761438749 for more details

When you get to a certain age it’s a pretty safe bet that you will have had a fair bit of experience of loss in your life and attended one or two funerals. By and large I think funerals are a very good thing and I want mine to be heaps of fun but preferably after I’ve conked out with a glass of gin in hand following an uproarious 100th birthday party where I’ve danced the night away!

But seriously, it is important to mark events in our lives, happy and sad, and all cultures do it. I am a great fan of tombstones and was recently thinking about my father’s memorial stone, which always makes me smile.

My Dad died many years ago; he had cancer so we had some time to plan for his demise and subsequent funeral arrangements. After a cremation in Bath we took his ashes back to Edinburgh where he was buried in a family grave. We were able to add a small stone for him which prompted much discussion! We didn’t have a lot of space but we particularly wanted to put something that would give a flavour of what my Dad was like.

Eventually we settled on his titles, son, father, grandfather and occupation. It didn’t seem enough. But then we remembered he had a little phrase he always used when shaking your hand (well, he always used it if he liked you.)

He would say:

‘Here’s my hand, here’s my heart‘.

And so we put that on his stone. We’d also noticed that several of the surrounding headstones had little carvings on which added to the information about the deceased, like a motorbike, or a house or plane. So we pondered long on what to put on my Dad’s. It began as joke but somehow stuck and eventually we had a perfect pint of beer, in a straight glass, with a head (but still a full pint) etched to one side of the stone. The stonemeason was rather bemused and said he had never been asked for that before, lilies being more usual. However, he obliging carved out a pint of John Smith’s and now my father’s grave raises a smile from many who pass by it and always a hefty grin from us and happy memories, which surely is what tombstones should be about?

What phrase best sums you up? If you had to choose an image for yourself what would you choose?

I have a much longer (and serious) article on Coping with Loss and Bereavement which you can read here.

PS My Dad died on January 21st 1998 after some very tender loving care at Dorothy House hospice. My daughter is running the Bath Half Marathon to raise money for the hospice so if you’d like to follow her progress, here’s the link to her fundraising page.

Well, no, of course not. But I am suggesting that maybe it’s time to examine what is going on in our heads and how much that is a barrier to our progress. Maybe we create some of our own limitations based on what we see around us and if we could free ourselves from that straitjacket we may find ourselves smashing that glass ceiling! Regardless of what is going on around us…

Women’s Strength

It takes some doing to cast off the images and impressions that we have grown up with. We’re in a kind of double bind; legislation has changed in our favour and most organisations at the very least pay lip service to the idea of gender equality, if not actively promote it. Yet there are still few women in senior positions and the role models are mainly male. The behaviour rewarded is generally male. Maybe we women look at those roles and think “I don’t want to be like that, that’s not my style, that’s not me”. That’s certainly true of a lot of the women I coach; what’s on offer doesn’t appeal and many of them end up running their own businesses or dropping out of the competition. (Sam Roddick is a great example of what I mean, see her interview with me here).

Grab the Opportunities

And there is research out there telling us that women are being hardest hit by the recession and that we are still underpaid in comparison to our male colleagues etc. All pretty dispiriting stuff. If we’re not careful we can be overwhelmed and begin to think that there is no point in trying. The truth is it’s not easy for any one, man or woman, to get to a senior position. Yes, I still believe it is harder for a woman for all sorts of reasons but it’s clearly not impossible and I think it’s eminently desirable. There is a lot on offer to help us, if we choose to take advantage of it, like the government saying it is considering imposing quotas for the number of women on British boards if there isn’t a change. What better time to try for a seat on the board! I’ve spoken with some recruitment companies who tell me that they are being asked to put more women on the shortlists they submit but are having trouble finding enough!

Be Honest

So take a few moments to reflect and ask yourself honestly, am I my biggest barrier to career advancement? And if you come up with a yes, you’re not alone. And I’m not having a go at you; there are good reasons why we feel as we do. Yet I know from my coaching of professional women that once we get our heads in the right place, it all becomes a lot easier. Have the confidence to just go for it!

“We are not touched so much by events themselves but by the view we choose to take of them” Epictetus. Choose a different view and the world could be your oyster!

And if you’d are interested in working one to one with me I have a few spaces becoming available this Spring and I’m also taking bookings for my March Speak Up course now!

Really, it s probably not a good time. You’re probably tired, you may have over eaten (No, surely not!), you may have over indulged in other ways, probably have a backlog of work waiting on your desk, and may be thinking about money, or lack thereof. And everyone is talking about New year resolutions. (Including me, sorry!)

So, Jane, I hear you cry, so if I’m not to join everyone else in making new year resolutions on 1st January which I struggle to keep and abandon half way through January to be plagued with guilt feelings until about mid February when I get back to normal…sort of, what should I do be doing?

Well, dear reader, far be it from me to tell you what to do but as a coach and writer of personal development courses for women (I can’t help myself) I do have a suggestion you might like to try.

Look Back in Kindness

Lots of good things will have happened to you in 2011. Take some time to recognise what those good things were. Generally these things aren’t just random; you probably did something to help those good things happen. However, we all have a tendency to focus on what went wrong and your head may be full of what didn’t go the way you wanted it to. But even when things seem to go wrong good can result.

Name Calling

Often at this time of the year we are calling ourselves names, (so fat, so feckless with money, so disorganised etc) and we set about resolving to ‘fix’ ourselves. We’re not kind to ourselves. We can start with an assumption that we need fixing.

We’re staring with a negative.

Which is not a good place to start. So accentuate the positive! Look back on your year in kindness and remember all the good that came out of 2011, all those minor triumphs. It may be the job interview that you got really great feed back from (whether you got the job or not), the new friend you made, the new skill you learned, or the wisdom about yourself you accrued (and it’s harder to accrue wisdom if nothing ever goes wrong in your life!)

And that’s it. That’s my tip for 2012. Go forth into 2012 tonight with a kindly view of 2011. Build on the good, let go of the bad. Take an appreciative inquiry view to life and be true to yourself!

And have a fabulous 2012, being you!

Photo Credit: Free Graphics

Tights in a Twist?

You know how it is; you get up in a rush, grab a pair of tights (pantyhose)  from the drawer you meant to sort out at the week end, hurriedly check for holes and pull them on.

A quick look in the mirror, all seems OK, then the mad dash for work and before you know it you’re in your first meeting of the day.

But something’s not quite right.

Somehow those tights have become twisted. They are the ones you discarded last week but somehow escaped the bin and stayed in your drawer. You’re so uncomfortable. You give them a surreptitious hitch but it only serves to make matters worse.

Your first meeting is with a new client you really want to impress. As you lean forward to listen intently you feel it – that movement down your leg like a feather gently travelling from thigh down to toe. You freeze. Oh no, a ladder. By dint of not moving too much you can trap it at knee height before it travels into full view but it’s not a comfortable place to be. Your face is contorted with the effort of smiling and manoeuvring your legs in such a way to stop the run and it’s not a good look. You’re really not giving of your best….

Preparation is All

Sometimes you just have to sort out your tights drawer and throw out the ones that aren’t up to the job any more. For times when you need to give of your best you need to have the best around you. Be it equipment, people, or tights! How many pairs of twisted tights are there in your life right now? Maybe it’s time to have a sort out?

Photo Credit: John Nyberg

Self Esteem and Change

When we find ourselves in a state of change (over which we have no control, like a major reorganisation) our levels of confidence and self esteem can drop. In a Gallop poll on what makes for a good workplace ‘knowing what my job is and what’s expected of me’ came out as number one.

During periods of change we rarely know what’s expected of us, or what our job will be. And that leads to a fall off in productivity, less work satisfaction, and a loss of self worth. And this loss of self worth occurs just at the time we need to feel on top, to be on the radar for new roles!

Change Exercise

Here’s an exercise to try out to boost your confidence. It is crucial to remember that you are much, much more than the job you do. You have multiple skills and qualities gained over your life. Some you use in your current role; some you have probably forgotten that you even have.

Take a sheet of paper, draw up four columns headed ‘work’, ‘home/life’, ‘hobbies’ and ‘other’. The columns are just for guidance so don’t get bogged down with them.

Now list every single skill or attribute that you can think of. You don’t have to be an expert, just have some knowledge in it. It’s simply knowledge you could share if asked.

For example, you may have experienced some life events that you’ve never actually evaluated, like a divorce. The increased knowledge and experience from this will be massive but you’ve probably just absorbed it into your life without fully appreciating the experience gained. It will have included managing finances, managing loss, forging a new life, new friends, maybe helping children and family come to terms with the change, possibly involvement through the courts. Take time to think about it.

Maybe you have acquired a qualification while working, or childrearing? Perhaps you have run a charity stall? Maybe you bake cakes? Perhaps you’ve walked the Pennine way? Help out with a kids’ club? This is really a very wide ranging exercise and anything goes. It doesn’t matter how long ago; those skills, attributes and hard won knowledge are still there, accessible to you if you choose. Hopefully once you actually start the ideas will keep flowing and you will get at least 20 things down. Yes, I do mean 20. Get a friend to help if possible. Better still, do this exercise with  a friend.

Now look down your list. Know that you are much more than the job you do. You’ve gained a lot of experience and skills in your life; they make you who you are. This experience of change will add to those skills and qualities.  You will be stronger. You will survive.

If you are undergoing change at the moment, you may find this post on Does Change Make You Feel Stressed? helpful.

And if you are managing staff through a change process, I can send you a free ebook, simply email me.

Photo Credit: Boris Peterka

Maybe you have people in your life that are a bit unreliable too? Perhaps colleagues who aren’t quite reliable enough so you have to make alternative arrangements, have a plan B just in case they don’t deliver?

Perhaps it’s sentiment, perhaps it’s being too busy to take stock, and perhaps it’s fear of making a change, but if this sounds familiar there is a good chance you are working twice as much as you need to.

Sometimes we need to sit down and take a long, hard, realistic look at how we’re spending our time. I’m not suggesting you throw out friends and colleagues who don’t ‘deliver’, but maybe a quiet and assertive word might help both of you. If the idea of saying what you really feel seems daunting, take a look at this article ‘What Stops You Being Assertive?’

And you can actually throw out that inefficient alarm clock!