Why Can’t Women Speak Their Minds in Boardrooms?

Women need to speak up, so says Dr Judith Baxter, an expert in linguistics. Dr Baxter has undertaken a survey in seven major companies, including two in the FTSE-100 as part of an Economic and Social Research Council research project entitled ‘Leadership Talk and Gender in Senior Management Business Meetings in the UK’. A key contention of that project was that women are under represented in leadership roles because, simply put, men and women talk differently. Or less simply put:

One key area we examine is why female leaders continue to be significantly under-represented in the workplace. A 2009 survey commissioned by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) shows that only 12% of FTSE 100 directors in the UK are women (Sealy, Doldor and   Vinnicombe, 2009). While there are many reasons why this occurs – legal, economic and sociological – we contend that one possible reason for the lack of female leaders in the business world is socio-linguistic. That is, women may simply have a harder job than men to be effective through their talk: to be listened to, included in key decisions, taken seriously, and to influence the views of others effectively.

Hear hear! The research actually found that women were FOUR times more likely than men to be self deprecating, use humour and speak indirectly or apologetically when tackling difficult subjects with board members to avoid conflict. Baxter said she had heard one woman director, who had spoken only twice in a meeting, say:

“Sorry, sorry, I’m talking too much, I’m talking too much.”

Dr Baxter believes women use such language because they’re often heavily outnumbered on boards and so use a linguistic ‘second guessing’. I’ve written about this use of apologetic language before in Career Tips for Women but I am surprised to find it prevalent among women in senior posts. Examples include “Sorry to cut across you like that but…” and “I’m probably speaking out of turn, but…” (And previous research shows that both men and women think women talk most in meetings, when researchers have observed that men have talked the most).

Women Talk Differently

This type of language Dr Baxter calls double voice discourse or DVD. It’s the language she observed women using when facing criticism or handling conflict. She acknowledges that there are times when this could be appropriate, or used as a manipulative tool, but notes that this type of language use makes senior women appear weak and defensive.  They appear not to be in control and thus less authoritative.

Men were more comfortable with handling conflict, were more direct and didn’t take it personally; not so we women! Women in the survey avoided being confrontational and used a range of strategies to preserve their alliances. There were few differences in the actual language used, she noted, and Dr Baxter did not attribute this strategy to innate altruism in women, on the contrary- “They are doing it to achieve their own agenda“. It’s not a particularly successful strategy, yet it’s one we women use when outnumbered by men.

So it looks like we need to toughen up, to learn to speak our minds clearly and without fear. Being direct is the language men understand and if we want to get ahead we need to at least understand the language of male and plan our strategy accordingly!

Look out for an upcoming interview with Dr Baxter when we’ll hopefully learn more about this research, and importantly strategies for overcoming it! And women, do share how you feel about confrontational situations at work? Do you conform to this findings of this research? Do you recognise some of this either in yourself or colleagues?

If this topic is one close to your heart, come and join me for my brand new course in November 2011, at Bath’s Royal Crescent Hotel. Speak Up, get that seat on the board and be heard!

Neuroeconomics – Put Women in Charge?

Neuroeconomics

The Observer newspaper for June 19th carried a great article on gender equality and the economic melt down of 2008. In essence it says the relatively new science of neuroeconomics proves beyond doubt that hormonally driven young men should not be left alone in charge of our finances. It seems, despite generally being thought risk averse, women make better financial decisions than men.

The author of this article, Tim Adams, cites two books one authored by Michael Lewis, The Big Short. Here’s a quote by Lewis from the article:

When asked what single thing he would do to reform the markets and prevent such a catastrophic happening again, he said: “I would take steps to have 50% of women in risk positions in banks.” Pressed on this he went on to suggest how science reveals that women in general make smarter decisions regarding investment than men, that when it comes to money, women in couples are demonstrably better at evaluating risk than their partners, and single women much better still.

Women are Better with Money

In a way this shouldn’t be surprising; women are generally described as risk averse but that doesn’t mean we don’t make astute decisions about money. The evidence seems to back Lewis’ assertion.

In 2001, a study called ‘Boys Will be Boys’ looking at household finances, found that although men were confident in making multiple changes to investments, their annual returns were, on average, a full percentage point BELOW those of women who invested the family finances, and nearly half as much again inferior to single women.

And a further study of 2.7 million personal investors found that during the crisis of 2008/9 men were much more likely than women to sell their shares when prices were at their lowest. They appeared to be OVERconfident while women weren’t afraid to ask.

Now I have no real knowledge of how the financial work works but I do know that women being equally represented in the world of work makes sense on all levels, and that companies that have 3 women directors on their board show a significant increase in profits.

Women and Finance

So why so few women employed in the world of high finance? Surely it’s obvious that the more diverse your group the better the decision making processes? I suspect that once again it comes down to women not wanting to be employed in such a testosterone fuelled environment.

And testosterone has quite a lot to answer for. The new science of Neuroeconomics has been looking at the role of both testosterone and cortisol hormones. The survey was  small so further research is needed, but here are six things that the science of decison making revealed:

• If groups of young men are shown pornographic pictures of women and then asked to choose between safe and risky investments, compared with men shown non pornographic pictures they chose far riskier portfolios.
• Our brains are designed to seek out novelty but too much information can overwhelm us; we are generally better at assessing risk when listening to Bach rather than the chatter of news.
• Men’s brains tend to shut down after they have proposed a deal, waiting for the response. Scans show that women’s brains continue to be active, analysing whether they have done the right thing.
• Humans are the only animals that can delay gratification, a function of the prefrontal cortex. However, the prefrontal cortex only matures after the age of 30, and later in men than women. Before that we are likely to seek immediate gratification.
• Our brains reward social interaction with the release of oxytocin (the bonding hormone). Following the herd makes us feel good.
• Our brains are wired for human oxytocin -mediated empathy (or HOME). We are biologically stimulated to love or hate what is most familiar to us. We are built to form attachments, to value what we own more than what we don’t own and this skews the rationality of all investments.

It’s fascinating stuff, isn’t it? The macho culture, it seems, just doesn’t cut the mustard! Come on women, time to step up. Your country needs you!

Should You Audit Your Mates?

I think you should! I don’t mean check out their finances and ask for receipts, but I do mean take some time to reflect on your friendships and relationships with people you see or work with regularly.

Why?

Friends and acquaintances come from all walks of life. Sometimes we can’t quite even remember how  we became friends.  (Sometimes we can’t remember why we still are, but I’m not talking about that today!). Others we are close to because of shared interests, work, children, family connections, locality etc. All friendships need some maintenance work from time to time. Today I am suggesting that you take a few moments to think about professional friends and colleagues and conduct your private mini audit.

The Balance Act

A good relationship is finely balanced. Of course, there are times in our lives when the giving is all one way; for example, if you’re having a particularly difficult time at work like facing redundancy, or being reorganised to within an inch of your life, or having a difficult time with your business.  The giving may then be coming to you and you may not be in a position to reciprocate – yet. Likewise, you may be supporting a friend during a difficult time. It’s a question of give and take, at least it should be. I’ve written before how important women’s friendships are, they nurture and sustain us when the times are bad and fill us with joy when times are good. There is even an infectiousness to them which means the joy can spread between friends. Friendships are worth taking time over.

A Monday Exercise

So here’s my tip for a wee exercise (just for you-I’m not suggesting you share this) to start the week with. Grab a sheet of A4 and turn it landscape.

List three friends/good colleagues you are likely to come into contact with this week. Put their names equally spaced down the left hand side and then draw two columns. In column one, ponder for a while on what you can GIVE to those friends and colleagues this week. Use you knowledge of what is happening in their world to help you figure out what is most appropriate, and also take into account what you are able to give this week.

Your second column is what you might NEED from those friendships this week. Think through your week and what is happening for you. As you’ve just been thinking about your friends and their situation you’ll have a more realistic expectation of whether you are going to get what you need.  And if realistically you realise you’re not going to get it you may need to plan in other forms of support and advice. Or you may see that the balance is skewed and that it’s time to redress that and give a little more.

You don’t need to do this exercise very often. I have found it helpful with clients though when they are feeling life is out of balance. It helps to introduce a sense of perspective, and also helps us realise that we’re not always clear about what we want and expect those close just to ‘know’. Sometimes others close to us are doing exactly the same, and maybe we need to give a little without being directly asked.

It’s what makes the world go round!

PS I wrote a wee gratitude list last year as a blog post. It was good to do. There are many more I’d now add to that list but that’s for another day!

Photo Credit: Shannon Pifko

The Naming of Parts…

Many moons ago I was on a training course for professionals to prepare us for working with victims of sexual abuse, in this case children. It was a pretty heavy and emotive subject as you can imagine, but like all professionals who work day in day out with emotionally draining and affecting cases, we managed to find some humour in the situation.

We began in the usual manner, introductions, ice breaker etc and then came our first exercise. I’m going to share it with you now as it ended up being both riotously funny and poignantly informative. It certainly increased my communication skills and understanding and not only with children. And it helped us develop a strong feeling of trust in the group which sustained us through the more difficult parts of the course.

Anatomically Correct

We were presented with a huge basket of anatomically correct dolls, all ages, all ethnicities, all types of clothing but all, under their clothes, were anatomically correct. The purpose of the exercise was to help us behave with great sensitivity when working with child victims and not allow any lingering embarrassments of our own to transfer to the children. And to learn as many names and variations for sexual organs and other parts of the body as we could.

That is where the hilarity came in…

I was paired, to my initial horror, with a very eminent child psychiatrist. We each took one doll and then looked solemnly at each other. I suspect I cracked first and began to share all the terms I had ever heard for parts of the body. He joined in. As we relaxed we became more honest and collapsed into laughter at some of the ridiculous things we had heard or used ourselves as children. I still actually know adults who refer to ‘front bottom’ for the vagina which is truly sending some mixed messages about female sexuality!

Humour aside, it was a salutary exercise in the messages we often unwittingly give out to children and how we still carry those messages into adult life. They can still be enormously powerful. And embarrassing …  My poor children had no hiding place. I resolutely used the correct terms and can well remember my daughter startling everyone into stunned silence by casually referring to her vagina when she was 4 years old. My Mum nearly fainted! What’s in a name, eh?

Photo Credit: Lynne Lancaster

You Can Talk to Yourself!

An odd little email plopped into my box the other day. It said: “Now you know this works you can tell everyone about it”.

I thought it was a particularly clever advertising campaign, well maybe a too clever by half campaign, as I couldn’t work out what it was advertising!

And then I realised it was an email I had sent myself a year ago. I’m not actually as mad as a box of frogs but I have discovered Futureme.org, and now I know it works I can tell you about it! (And I’m not being sponsored to do this – it’s a free service).

Keep Motivated

When I’m running my Renewyou course I give participants the offer of sending themselves a motivational letter which I post on at an agreed time. But now I also offer them the opportunity to use futureme to send themselves more frequent reminders of their intentions and to keep themselves on track.

Try it out and while you’re there take a look at some of the ‘open’ messages. Some are heartbreakingly sad and some are very amusing; here’s one example:

Of course, you never get to know the answers and can only wonder what actually happened.  But rest assured, you don’t have to make your email public. You can choose to tick the public or private box.

What would you write to yourself about?

Photo Credit: Julian Tromeur

Women, Take Your Place at the Table…the Right Place!

Meetings, meetings, meetings, your working life is probably full of them. Sometimes you’re no doubt temped to avoid a few when you can; I know I used to!

It makes sense to use your time wisely and some organisations get into meeting overload culture. However, make sure you are not missing any key meetings where crucial decisions are made or where people are selected to make crucial decisions. It’s very easy for women to get sidelined, particularly in large organisations. And it’s easy for women to be largely invisible in meetings too.

I’ve written before about the importance of making sure you’re voice is heard in every meeting and the tendency of men to interrupt and talk across women; this time I’m adding a few tips about body language in meetings.

Body Language Tips for Meetings

• If you’re presenting, stand tall and use open body language. If your body is saying ‘nervous and anxious’ you are likely to get a bored or negative reaction. Try to keep the energy up in your voice and sound as if you are really enthused by what you’re saying. Remember the nodding head trap….
• Make sure you talk to everyone, making comfortable eye contact with all, and not just focussing on the most senior person.
• Your choice of seat can unconsciously influence your relationship with colleagues; it all depends on the shape of the table. If at a square table the person on your right will be most attuned with what you are saying and will tend to want to agree with you. It could be useful to get your most difficult colleague in that position of possible. The person who will feel least sympathy with you will be the one seated opposite as the table is a very real physical barrier between you.
• Round tables can work well in helping everyone feel very relaxed, unless there is someone present who is much senior to the others. Then square table rules er… rule.
• Try not to sit with your back to the door if you are at a long meeting table. You will have less authority than if you were facing the door. Sitting at the short end of a rectangular table facing the door gives added authority (think Victorian fathers at Sunday lunch!)
• Be careful about touching anyone in meetings or being touched. Touching can be seen as an invasion of personal space, but it’s also about power too. Men touch women more than women touch men. Researchers think there is a strong link between gender and social inferiority, i.e. men tend to keep women on their dominant side; if they are right handed it will be their right side and vice versa. Research has also found that when men touch women it’s often seen as a signal of power (or a sexual advance). When women touch men it’s usually a sign of intimacy. Make sure your personal space is respected.

Photo Credit: Michelle Ho