Talk to Yourself!

Have you tried talking to yourself lately?

One of the reasons people find coaching so helpful is that it gives them an opportunity to rehearse ideas with a neutral person. We often don’t know what we think until we say it loud.

Sometimes we have an idea that we’re not actually ready for the world to hear because we haven’t heard it made real.

Mirror, Mirror

If you find yourself in this position, try this. Stand in front of your mirror and pitch the idea to yourself!

Think about it as your literal reflection time!

Who helps you bring ideas to fruition?

6 Questions to Help Your Thinking!

At times we can fall into a pattern of thinking that is unhelpful to us.

Here is an example:

You are late for work one morning and when you arrive a group of your colleagues are in a little huddle. You automatically assume they are complaining to each other about your lateness.

Because you think they are talking about you, you don’t offer an explanation for your lateness but go to your desk without speaking. And you have a miserable day, reviving in your head every negative experience you have ever had at work, feeling more and more miserable and unhappy.

Challenge Your Thinking

Here’s a list of questions to use to challenge your perceptions:

What are the actual facts?
I was late for work and people were engaged in conversation when I arrived.

What are my perceptions?
That they were talking about my unreliability and my being late.

What evidence supports my perceptions?
No one talked to me all morning

What evidence contradicts my perceptions?
No one has made any comment about my lateness. We’ve all been really busy this morning, heads down because it’s reports day. Generally there is a friendly atmosphere and I haven’t had any problems before.

Is my thinking unhelpful?
I am immediately jumping to negative conclusions.

How else can I look at what happened?
I didn’t offer any explanation so they are respecting my privacy. They may have been worrying about me, not talking unkindly about me. They may even have been talking about my birthday which is next week. I have no evidence of what they were talking about at all. My silence stopped them talking to me as they may have thought I was upset.

In fact, there are loads of alternative explanations so ask yourself why you have chosen the one with least favourable consequences for you?

Socrates

If you can teach yourself this form of self questioning you’ll be following a long and noble tradition begun by Socrates. You are employing Socratic questioning and holding your thoughts up to logical scrutiny. Try it out next time you find yourself jumping to conclusions, and let me know how you get on!

You’re So Cute!

If you are like most of the population you will have looked at the photo opposite (or one similar) and thought ‘Ahh, cute’.

The Institute of Neural and Behavioural Biology, Munster has undertaken some research that shows features such as a large head, big eyes, and round cheeks provoke a caring response in us, a fact advertisers have understood for ages. Presumably it’s something we have been programmed with to ensure the survival of the species, but I think it also explains the popularity of some of those weird dolls on the market!

What brings out your inner nurturer?

Free Book and Coaching Competition!

Well, it’s not really a competition as such, more of a request for some advice with a little inducement (at least I hope it is an inducement…)!

If you receive the newsletter you will already know what I’m going to say so look away now…

TV Ideas?

Recently I’ve been having some interesting discussions about women’s programmes on TV. There are masses of lifestyle type programmes telling women what to eat, how to look, how to talk, how not to look, what not to eat, how to be a good wife, the list goes on! There aren’t a lot of programmes looking inwards, thinking about personal development issues (and if you know of some please tell me!)

What type of programme would you like to watch about women’s personal development? Bearing in mind the type of posts that I write and the courses I deliver, how would you like to see this represented on TV? Share your great ideas with me!

In return, the best suggestion will receive a signed copy of my book and one hour of coaching from me!

So come on, amaze me with your thoughts by clicking this link or sending a direct email to enquiries at changingpeople.co.uk

I’ll choose my best answer by mid May. THANK YOU!

Is Prejudice Holding You Back?

Albert Einstein once said:

“Common sense is the set of prejudices we acquire before the age of 18“.

And our prejudices are formed by our early experiences and influences:the culture we live in, the type of schools we attend, the friends we have, our significant adults-parents, teachers, relatives. It all helps to fix in us an idea of what is ‘normal’.

Knowing and understanding what your own prejudices are will help you see the world differently and open up so many more opportunities for you! We tend to seek out people who are like us, people we have a shared interests with who as a ‘normal’ as we are.

When I’m working one to one, sometimes my task is to tease out what prejudices may be holding my client back from being where they want to be. Knowing what your own prejudices are can be immensely liberating and is the first step in neutralising any negative effects.

So this week, why not try striking up a relationship with someone outside of your ‘normal’ range! Try reading about the political policies of the party you don’t support. Listen to someone at work as if you have no preconceived ideas or knowledge about them – just take their words at face value, free from your prejudices about them. It will give you a new depth of understanding and perspective.

And let me know how you get on!

Do You Bad Mouth You?

Take five minutes to think of the worst things you say to yourself and the effect it has on you.

Examples might be:

‘I have no willpower’.

‘I’m always late – I can’t get anywhere on time’.

‘I always fail interviews’.

‘I am so unattractive’.

Once you’ve identified that critical inner voice try this; for one week silence it. As soon as you hear yourself start carping, stop immediately.

It will do two things:

It will show you just how much time you spend putting yourself down

and

It will show you how much better you can feel when you stop nagging yourself.

Next Step- Replace the moaning and quietly say something good about yourself!