Are You a Blue Thinker? Or Green…Or Red?

If you find yourself in a group faced with a task of creating something new this might help!

Blue, Red, & Green Thinking

I am grateful for this idea to Nigel May Barlow, author of Re-Think-How to Think Differently.

He talks about three stages of creative thinking:

Blue - Blue is for IDEAS- with the sky being the limit! Blue type questions are Well, why not? and What if we…?

Red - Red is for STOP, like traffic lights. It’s the selection, evaluation, fine tuning and prioritising stage, choosing your best ideas.

Green – Green is for GO, deciding who is going to do what, by when, planning in the milestones.

In any group of people you are likely to find a scattering of all these types. Some will be more comfortable with a particular colour than others. if you get too many in one category you may miss out some of the valuable stages.

For example, a room of Blues may generate some fabulous ideas but never actually get around to putting them into action! Whereas Reds will never allow enough discussion of ideas as they push to get something agreed. And the Greens will be busy planning who is doing what before Blues have finished being creative!

What colour are you? How does it show itself in you?

Please….

What really gets your goat? I have to say that bad manners does it for me. I hate it when people are rude for no particular reason at all. So I really enjoyed this article from Oliver Burkeman on his strategy for dealing with public impoliteness. Take a look and see if you agree with him.

I’m not sure I’d be as bold as him! My strategy when someone barges into the front of the queue or line, is to give them the benefit of the doubt, politely tap them on the shoulder and ask, (loudly enough for all to hear): “Excuse me, but did you realise there was a queue here?”

I don’t use a sarcastic tone; I ask it as a genuine enquiry and usually they mumble ‘no, sorry’ and go to the end of the line. And if they ignore me I know there’s no point in worrying about it any further!

What do you do?

Stop Talking to Your Partner!

Well, not entirely… maybe that should read stop talking AT your partner!

Sometimes with coaching the client starts in one place and together we end up somewhere completely different. Thus, a session that begins with an overview of a work related problem can end up being much more about personal issues.

Communication Breakdown

And so it was with Coral*. Coral came to coaching for help with issues communicating at work; as we worked together we discovered that many of her fears stemmed from a break down in communication with her partner. This had resulted in a loss of confidence in other areas of her life which was affecting how she related to her colleagues.

Root Cause

With her permission, we headed back to the main cause of her loss of confidence. Communication between her and her partner had degenerated into a series of instructions for household management, along with a plethora of repetitive, inconsequential, circular arguments.

A minor issue would develop into something larger with neither listening to the other. Instead, each would launch into their own well rehearsed argument. During our sessions, Coral realised that she didn’t actually listen to her partner as she was sure she knew what he was going to say. So, instead of giving her partner any attention she was busy using his talking time composing her next riposte. She heard him talking but she wasn’t connecting to what he was saying. Their was no communication, more a series of ‘positions’ offered with each interrupting and cutting across the other. And she was equally convinced that he ‘never’ listened to her.

The Plan

Together we worked on a strategy for breaking this cycle. She couldn’t change her partner’s behaviour (at least not directly) but she could change her own.

First, she had to overcome her feelings of resentment (childlike ego state) and move to a more adult perspective of her partnership. Coral began to realise that attributing her feelings to her partner was counter productive; he didn’t MAKE her feel anything. She felt the way she did because of all the myriad things that had made her the unique person she was. Her feelings were her own responsibility and she could exercise some control over how she felt. This freed her up to make the first move as she moved from a combative mindset to one focussed on improving her relationship.

And her first task was to listen, really listen to what he was saying. To listen without judging, without feelings of resentment, without feeling a need to justify. It’s easier said than done (or actually not said!) but with the support of coaching she persevered. Instead of coming back at him with her own snappy retorts, she paid him attention. She was respectful and acknowledged his views, without necessarily agreeing with him.

Cease Fire

As her partner realised he was being listened to, his behaviour began to change too. Gradually they began to talk as adults, each taking responsibility, about the future of their relationship.

Happy Ever After…?

Of course, it wasn’t just happy ever after immediately, this is a true story, not a fairy tale! But it did break the cycle and it did give Coral a feeling of being in control of her life. And that percolated through to her working life. Taking some control of issues at home allowed her to see work issues with a fresh eye and she applied some of the listening techniques to her professional life, with good results. And feeling better about work helped her at home…a virtuous circle.

Coaching

If you have an issue you think our working together could help, give me a call on 01761 438749 or email me if you prefer.

*Of course, Coral is not her real name, and several details have been changed to maintain client confidentiality

Do You Say ‘Thank You’ Enough?

I have recently returned from the US where I flew with United Airlines. On our return flight there was a problem with our ticket. It was entirely our fault as there was a time discrepancy between out itinerary and the actual ticket! We arrived after our flight had left- mea culpa!

But thanks to the excellent guy on the check in desk it was no problem at all. He was calm and extremely helpful and got us on the plane we thought we were catching with the minimum of fuss and embarrassment. We thanked him profusely and he said, not at all, we had been lovely customers! Not only did he sort us out but he managed to compliment us in the process!

Remember Your Thank Yous!

I have just written to United Airlines thanking them for the excellent service we received, but I nearly forgot to do it. I was actually on Twitter talking about how good they had been when I realised I hadn’t actually told the airline! And it reminded me how much longer lasting our memory of bad experiences can be and how quick we are to share the negative stuff.

Which is not an argument for never complaining about bad service, but a reminder to acknowledge all the good experiences too.

Saying thank you sincerely and often matters. We all need to get some positive reinforcement when we do a job well, help someone, show kindness, whatever job we have and whatever status we are. Every parent knows the value of rewarding the behaviour we want to see more of in our children, and this principle holds true whatever age we are.

So, in that spirit,  who is deserving of your thanks today?

If Stuck, Go Bonkers!

I was delivering a seminar for managers recently, and asked the group to come up with some bonkers* solutions for issues the group were generating. There were no rules other than that the responses had to be totally off the wall.

The bonkers responses were then given back to the original group that raised them, with an instruction to see if they could make something workable from it.

In 90% of cases they could. And 50% of those resulted in a solution they were actually able to use at work!

So, next time you are feeling stuck, let go of sensible and let yourself go bonkers! You never know….

Where have some of your best ideas and solutions for change come from? Please do share with us!

(*Bonkers = Completely crazy and silly)

Drawing on Your Thoughts

Next time you find yourself with a bit of a poser, a problem that seems intractable, or a dilemma you just need to think through, try this exercise.

Take a sheet of A4 paper, turn it landscape and, without thinking too much about it, draw/doodle/sketch the issue. Anything goes as long as you don’t start writing words.

Try and do this instinctively without worrying about your artistic skills. Stop after 15 minutes at most, put the drawing in your desk drawer and forget about for a while. Your subconscious will be working away on it in the background and when you look at it again after a few hours there’s a good chance that a solution or helpful thought will have presented itself!