What’s Your Story?

We all have a story. I don’t mean that novel lurking within; I mean we all have a back story to our life which governs how we live our life.

Children

Much of our storyline will have been set in childhood. When I was working professionally with children life story work was a significant element in helping them come to terms with what had happened to them. Children are very good at creating a story to fill in the gaps in their knowledge. Unfortunately, children who have had sorrow in their lives tend to make up a story where they are at fault in some way, in some way responsible for what had happened to them.

Adults and Stories

And what have I learned from experience and study is that we never really lose our childhood stories about ourselves. And those stories continue to have an impact on us and our experience of life. Which is fine if you were fortunate enough to have a good back story; if you had significant adults in your life who praised you and helped you develop a good sense of self.  If you didn’t have that experience it’s possible that you are still playing a character from your story that is stifling your potential.

I Want to Tell You a Story…

In a safe way, I lightly touch on this topic in my RenewYou course. I ask the women to think about labels they and others hold of them. And then I ask them to think about the labels they’d like to change. And then we think about making that change!

Your story isn’t finished. You are the author and it’s within you to write a new paragraph, bring in new characters, try a new location, focus on a new direction! So now you’re in charge of your story, what will you ‘write’?

Monday Morning Blues? Try this…

I am lucky enough to love what I do! I use the word ‘lucky advisedly’- I actually worked very hard to get to a place where I am doing work I really love, where work really doesn’t feel like working! (Which is almost the title of my book, as it happens!)

Some days I just plunge in and get going but other times I am a bit more reflective. On the days I am feeling reflective this is what I do:

First, I’ll cast my thoughts back over the previous week (see this post) and really give time to thinking about what worked for me. You may find yourself dwelling on what didn’t work but try very hard NOT to go there. It isn’t particularly helpful and will dampen your mood.

Three Things

Then I’ll make a quick list of three things I want to happen in the forthcoming week. I don’t necessarily mean tangible things like a ‘to do list’, although sometimes they feature. Often it’s to do with how I want to feel. And I remind myself that how I feel, how I manage my feelings about what happens is in my gift. Our thoughts are hugely powerful and choosing how we think about things can make us feel very powerful too.

And writing it down helps reinforce the intention to achieve those things. Just a few minutes of your time but it could have a powerful impact on the rest of your week and cure those Monday Morning blues!

How do you start your working week?

PS If Mondays really are a bad day for you then you are getting a powerful message about how you’re spending a lot of your life! Even in a recession it is possible to make changes, with care! It’s a common issue when coaching, women don’t like what they do but feel ‘frightened’ to change, or often don’t know what they want to do instead. If that sounds like you I wrote my book with you in mind! It’s a work book designed to help you get ‘unstuck’ and begin to make positive change in your life. You can read more about it here, and don’t forget the free audio download link on the same page! You can download it immediately and get started straight away!

Photo credit: Rose Ann

Answer One Question & Have a Good Week-end!

Well it’s Friday! For most of us it’s the end of the week (being married to a fire-fighter I’m very mindful that lots of you work all sorts of hours!)

However your week has been, good, bad or average, you are at the end of it. Woo Hoo!

In the spirit of appreciative inquiry (click the link to read more on this topic), take a few moments to review what has gone well for you this week.  Even in the worst of times something will have worked well for you. Make a quick list of those moments.

If you can, identify what actually caused those things to work well. Maybe you were particularly intuitive, or took the initiative? Maybe you had done some preparation or maybe you acted spontaneously? Perhaps you tried a very small change in your routine or stuck with your tried and tested methods? Or talked to someone new, or listened to advice?

Whatever it was, make a note of it and take all the good from this week into the next, and leave the less than wonderful stuff in the past!

Happy week end!

Photo Credit: Mohammed Karim

Do You Feel Lucky, Punk er…Punkette…?

I am lucky, or so my mate tells me.

‘You always win raffles’ she says.

Clearly I don’t or I’d have a house chock full of orphan cuddly toys and last year’s chocolates! But I do buy tickets at charity events and my friend was with me when I won a few times in a row. In her head I am lucky so she doesn’t notice the myriad times I don’t win a thing!

You Can Be Lucky Too!

Luck is a state of mind. Decide to be lucky and amazingly you will be!

Let me share an example with you. I had a pretty hard week last week for lots of reasons I won’t mention; most outwith my control. At the end of the week I was lucky enough (!) to get a trip down to Cornwall to visit friends which was a blessed relief and lovely (I even paddled in the sea!)

On the way home my darling husband’s car exhaust decided to make a bid for freedom and dropped off! How unlucky! I’d had a tiring week and just after a relaxing week end I get this and have to wait hours for recovery….sigh.

Well, no actually. Instead, I thought how lucky that we had such good friends who said come to us at a moment’s notice. How lucky that they live in such a brilliant part of the country. How lucky that we had the hottest October week end in years.

And most of all…

How lucky that we had stopped for a drink and a snack just before the exhaust disgraced itself and I had just been to the loo!There were no bushes for miles….

How lucky are you?

Have a look at Can You Make Yourself Lucky for a less tongue in cheek account!

PS Have you noticed what a strange word ‘lucky’ is. Try saying it out loud a few times! Quietly, or you’ll sound like Kylie Minogue! No bad thing actually!

Photo Credit: Dave Simmonds

Does Change Make You Feel Stressed? (Free eguide for Managers)

We were having a discussion about change on my RenewYou course the other day (there’s a lot of it about at the moment!)  Women come on RenewYou when they want to make changes in their life so I was delivering a session on the psychological impact of change on individuals, (more on this here in Are You a Fox or a Hedgehog?)

Individuals and Change

I was making the point that, when we as individuals decide to make a significant change, for those close to us or who work closely with us, our decision to change is a change in their lives over which they have no control. And when we feel we have no control over change we instinctively want to resist it.

If we don’t let the appropriate people in our lives know what we are doing then we can expect them to be potential saboteurs of the change we want to make. They may not even realise they are doing it. But one thing is for sure, if you don’t give them information, communicate with them, they won’t be allies.

Change in the Workplace

Our discussion then became more wide ranging and we began to discuss our experiences of organisational change. Why, asked my group, do senior managers start well but then stop communicating with staff?

I suspect it’s because they themselves are also going through the change process as change may be imposed on them (as in redundancies because of the economic situation) and they are coping with their own feelings. Also, we expect senior managers to have the answers, to know what is going on.

Having been on both sides of the equation I can tell you that they often don’t know what is going on! They know the end result required, i.e. saving money, but the route may be far from clear. Fearful of giving the wrong answers they go to ground and give none; they stop communicating. Bad move, as nature abhors a vacuum and it will be filled! Often with misinformation and rumour.

BBC

Coincidentally, this discussion was almost mirrored on the BBC this morning as they talked to two experts on organisational psychology and change and why change caused us so much stress. A recent survey has shown stress to be the biggest cause of lost working days. Lack of communication was cited as the top reason. Why, asked the interviewer, does knowing more about what is going on help keep stress levels down?

The experts didn’t have much time to respond but this is the answer. Once we have the facts we can take back some control, we can decide how we are going to react. When we’re not told what is going on we’re being treated like children. And guess what? Treat adults like children and you’ll get some childlike behaviour back! Not knowing makes us stressed as we imagine so much worse (magical thinking) and feeling stressed lowers our immunity to the usual bugs and ailments doing the rounds. Even if we think we’re coping well the chances are, if we’re stressed, we’ll end up taking time off for a minor complaint when in normal circumstances we’d womanfully struggle on!

Free Guide for Managers on Change

I have written a guide for managers who have to manage staff through change; I run change seminars within organisations for both managers and staff (any gender!) who are undergoing change. I also worked as project lead for two organisations undergoing huge change: the book is a result of my experiences but, knowing how busy managers are, it’s a short, easy read yet contains everything you need to know!

If you’d like a free copy, and you are a newsletter subscriber, simply go to the contact page on my site and let me know. If you are looking for support within your own organisation, or personally please call on 01761438749, or also use the contact page.

Are you in the midst of significant change? How is it for you? If you’re a manager do you feel you have sufficient support and information? If you are an employee what’s it like for you? Do you know enough about what is happening and why? If you run your own business what’s the biggest problem you face? Please do share your stories!

Also, here you can find a free fact sheet on work related stress from CIPD but you’ll need to register – it’s free.

Photo Credit: Omacaco

Would You Like a Coffee?

Research published from the Harvard School of Public Health seems to be telling us women that coffee is good for us. Good for us in respect of warding off clinical depression.

It was a pretty comprehensive study and research from Harvard is not to be sniffed at.

The epidemiological study tracked 51,000 women who drank 4 cups of coffee a day over a 10 year period. They found that women who regularly drank coffee has 20% less cases of severe clinical depression than those who didn’t.

Men and Coffee

The research was actually only carried out on women but a much smaller project on men suggests it might well work with them too.

Friends Are Good for You

I’m with Lisa Appignanesi, Guardian journalist on this matter. She asks in a recent column, is it just the coffee or is it the circumstances in which the coffee is drunk? There is a lot of research and anecdotal evidence about the importance of women’s friendships and the connection with the release of the hormone oxytocin (see Women, Have You Got a Good Friend?) Women get a boost from being with other women friends. Maybe women who regularly drink coffee are doing so in the company of friends? I’ve long thought the friendship aspect explains why we women live longer!

Go Grab a Friend & a Coffee

Well, the research doesn’t say that it doesn’t work if you do drink with friends so I’d go for it! It’s medicinal, you owe it to yourself! Go grab a good friend and get that coffee pot out! Excuse me now, got to grind some beans…

Photo Credit: Pam Boyd