Are You Good Enough?

Sometimes good enough is good enough.

If you find yourself unable to ever settle for less than perfection there’s a strong likelihood that you spend much of your life feeling very pressurised and stressed. Perfection in all areas at all times is rarely a realistic aim.

That doesn’t mean one shouldn’t strive for it, but if you are constantly unhappy with your less than perfect attempts you will never do anything: it can stultify you, and stop you from experimenting and trying new things. Being a perfectionist can stop you learning and growing and hold back your personal development. If ‘Be Perfect’ is one of your drivers, try ‘Good Enough’ for a day!

Sometimes good enough is good enough!

What do you think?

One Wedding and a Holiday!

In yesterday’s post I exhorted you all to take a proper break from work, have a real holiday from the 21st Century.  Even if just for one day.

And I am following my own advice! (Although I’m not sure that crossing the Atlantic on a plane counts as leaving the 21st century behind but the spirit is there…).

By the time you read this I will be in the US where I am attending the wedding of good friends. Gwilym, whom we have known since childhood, is marrying a lovely American girl, Molly, in California. And my husband has the honour of conducting the ceremony! He is not a priest, he’s a fire-fighter (!) but will be sworn in for the day as a marriage celebrant. Previously the only person he has married was me, 33 years ago: I’ve had great fun telling folks my husband is marrying our friends’ son!

And I am going to give myself over completely to enjoying the trip. No lap top, no obsessive checking of emails, (although I must admit someone else will be doing that and taking course bookings), and no phoning the office every day just in case the world has tipped on its axis because I am not there.  I am going to relax and enjoy the whole experience. Laughing, crying (weddings- I can’t help it), I’ll be doing it all.

But one thing I won’t be doing, is working!

Whatever you’re doing for a break this summer, the important thing is to have one, a proper one. Whether it’s sunning yourself on the coast, lying in bed late every day with a great novel, touring a stately home, it doesn’t matter. Its purpose is to refresh you and recharge you, so do what you need to do, for you!

Regular readers will know that I place great importance on celebrating the good things in life, so in that spirit, please join me in an international toast, to Molly and Gwilym, the bride and groom! Much love and happiness forever!

I’ll catch you all after the break!

Take a Break from the 21st Century!

Do you sometimes find yourself hankering after the simple life? Do you have dreams of a bucolic idyll growing organic vegetables, making your own chutney, patchwork quilts, no rush for the tube or bus, clean air, no bad news and so on and so on…

If you do, you’re not alone. Most people I coach entertain fantasies of stepping off the treadmill for a while, living the simple life. Closer examination usually means you just need a holiday or a proper break from work. Yet increasingly I find people are unwilling, or believe themselves to be unable, of taking a true and proper break from work. Modern technology means we can take it with us, in ways that were impossible just a few years ago.

So, my advice to you is try and take a proper break at least once a year. Be bold and leave the lap top at home and don’t buy a newspaper or listen to the news, (if that thought alone has bought you out in a cold sweat you most definitely need a proper break!).

Everyone benefits by a recharging of the batteries and you will return refreshed and reinvigorated to work at the end of your vacation! Park the technology at home, rediscover the non technological joys of life, enjoy what nature has to offer, (even if it’s rain), and leave the 21st century behind for a wee while!

Change – How to Survive Tip 7

All change means a loss of some sort. Yet often we are exhorted by those implementing the change to embrace it, get on with it, stop resisting! Resistance is seen as negative and disloyal.

Yet a certain amount of natural resistance is entirely natural, possibly inevitable. None of us reacts the same way to change and if we’ve had a lot of personal change, this may just be a step too far.

So my advice is, recognise what loss the change means to you and honour and acknowledge it. If it’s loss of colleagues, make sure you have a proper farewell. Ditto with a change of environment. This may be a communal activity like an office party or it may be something private, like a simple ritual of your own.

Whatever you choose to do, mark the change from one state to another in some way. It helps!

What sorts of things do you do to mark changes in your life?

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Change – How to Survive Tip 6

Are you a Magical Thinker?

Actually, you probably are; we all do it to an extent! But we tend to do it most when change is on the cards, a change or period of uncertainty over which we have no control.

What is Magical Thinking?

I first learned of the term magical thinking when working with young children undergoing trauma in their lives.  At one stage, it was received wisdom that children shouldn’t be told what was happening if it was considered bad or negative.

This proved to be singularly unhelpful to children and their chances in later life, as they then resorted to magical thinking. They filled the gaps in their knowledge with stories of their own.

And invariably these stories (magical thinking) made the children themselves somehow responsible for what was happening. In the absence of information sensitively and appropriately given they imagined the worse and even made themselves culpable.

Adults Use Magic Too…

When I went on to work with adults experiencing change and periods of uncertainty I realised that we all do it. In the absence of concrete, trustworthy information we make sense of the bits we do have by stringing together a story, usually with ourselves being worse off in some way. (see tip 5) And these stories can get passed around an organisation and come to be accepted as a universal truth.

If there is a gap in your knowledge of any impending change, beware of your magical thinking tendencies and try and get some straightforward information. Check out your sources! There’s no point in worrying unnecessarily!

For details of my next change seminar please click here. And if you have some examples of magical thinking in your organisation, please do share with us!

Change – How to Survive Tip 5

When you hear a change outside of your control is on the cards, what are your automatic thoughts? Do you think:

“Oh great, this’ll be good for me!”

or

“Oh no, this will be terrible!”

Most of us tend towards the second response precisely because we have no control. But take a few moments now to think back over actual changes outside of your control, and what the outcomes for you were.

Was it all bad or have you benefited from unplanned changes in the past? Please do share.

Details about my change seminars are available by clicking here!