Make Time for You

Here’s a quick exercise to help you think about how effectively you use your time. It’s not about being busy all the time, filling every moment, but more about making time for you, and your development.

Take yourself to a quiet place with a notebook and pen. Just sit for few moments and reflect on what it is you feel you never have time to do. These are usually things that will bring you pleasure, but sometimes they are things you think you ‘ought’ to do.

Don’t over-think this exercise, just jot down whatever comes to mind; it’s for your eyes only. Ask yourself : “What Things Do I Never Have Time For?”

Now look at your list and ask yourself the following:

• Which of these are for me?
• Which of these do I think I should be doing for other people, or because everyone else seems to have done it (like read ‘War & Peace’!)
• When do I think I will do these things?
• What is stopping me doing them now?

Amaze Yourself!

Will you do something amazing this week?

So here we are in the dog days of summer, and in the UK at least a bank holiday week end is in the offing. Lost of people are on holiday, you get loads of ‘out of office’ replies, and no one seems to be around to do any meaningful work.

For those of us at work it can be a really dead time, or it can be a time you really make work for you! When you start on the road to achieving your dreams!

Dreams

The end  of August always feels like the end of the year for me – too long in the world of education I guess! September still feels like the start of a new term; all the excitement of new school clothes, bags, pencils, protractors (that dates me, who has those now?) and books full of blank pages to write upon!

Can you use this week to amaze yourself? To put something worthwhile on the next blank page in your book? Take the time to do something for you. To really think about what you want to achieve over the next few months?

In this relatively slack time, can you spare a moment to set yourself some goals this week, maybe one small thing to do each day that will stand you in good stead, and take you nearer where you want to be?

Unfulfilling Work

Maybe work is not fulfilling at the moment, but it pays the bills and it’s a tough economic climate so alternatives are thin on the ground. But now is a good time to take stock of what you really want to do with your life. And get prepared so that when the climate improves, as it will, you are ready to roll!

Love your job

Perhaps you love your work, whatever it is, and want to improve and progress. Where do you want to be? What opportunities might there be for you to progress? If not right now, when things improve? Can you gain some experience that will help? Do you need to sign up for an evening class? Get some mentoring? Shadow someone in the organisation? Join a networking group?

Retirement Dreams

Or maybe you have some long held dreams about what your retirement will be like? Have you done anything practical towards achieving those? Do you know what is possible? Have you shared your dreams with your ‘significant other’? Write down what it is you want and then use this week to take those first steps towards achieving it.

You Are Amazing!

Go on, amaze yourself! Make this week count. Don’t waste this time, take some control of your future now and plan to live the life you want!

Why Do Female Doctors Earn Less?

Lying in bed reading the newspapers is my indulgent Sunday morning activity although often the stories make me splutter into my tea.

One such was this report on female doctors hitting a glass ceiling in the UK -this link will take you to the story.

Why?

Splutter over, I mused on what makes it so, particularly the comment that ‘women do not put themselves forward’. There are lots of obvious reasons like child care etc but actually, although most people now would not dispute that women are equally as capable as men, the world of working practices has not caught up.

Change The Way We Work

Work and working practices have been designed by men and suit men. Historically it’s how it happened. Women and ethnic minorities were not around when the basic principles were established. But if we were to design many of our old established professions to suit BOTH genders (not just make them female friendly which sounds somewhat patronising, but really think about a system that is open to everyone in our society), I believe the equality issue would fade. Modern companies that have taken this more inclusive route have found that both women AND men benefit.

What Do You Think?

Do you think your profession/job/career would be significantly different if both genders had devised the working remit? Please do share your thoughts with us.

Time for Boredom?

I love Lucy Mangan, a writer for the Guardian Newspaper. Click here for her amusing observations on boredom in today’s newspaper.

Reading her article prompted this post. Do you remember long days of school summer holidays when nothing much ever happened? Do you allow yourself periods of inactivity now and again, time when your imagination has nothing to do but run riot. No gadgets, no machines, no TV or radio? Or is your life usually filled with some activity?

Just for an hour, or even 30 minutes, try switching off this week end. Literally switching off – and see if you can recharge your battery by doing nothing at all. That’s green!

Stop Talking to Your Partner!

Well, not entirely… maybe that should read stop talking AT your partner!

Sometimes with coaching the client starts in one place and together we end up somewhere completely different. Thus, a session that begins with an overview of a work related problem can end up being much more about personal issues.

Communication Breakdown

And so it was with Coral*. Coral came to coaching for help with issues communicating at work; as we worked together we discovered that many of her fears stemmed from a break down in communication with her partner. This had resulted in a loss of confidence in other areas of her life which was affecting how she related to her colleagues.

Root Cause

With her permission, we headed back to the main cause of her loss of confidence. Communication between her and her partner had degenerated into a series of instructions for household management, along with a plethora of repetitive, inconsequential, circular arguments.

A minor issue would develop into something larger with neither listening to the other. Instead, each would launch into their own well rehearsed argument. During our sessions, Coral realised that she didn’t actually listen to her partner as she was sure she knew what he was going to say. So, instead of giving her partner any attention she was busy using his talking time composing her next riposte. She heard him talking but she wasn’t connecting to what he was saying. Their was no communication, more a series of ‘positions’ offered with each interrupting and cutting across the other. And she was equally convinced that he ‘never’ listened to her.

The Plan

Together we worked on a strategy for breaking this cycle. She couldn’t change her partner’s behaviour (at least not directly) but she could change her own.

First, she had to overcome her feelings of resentment (childlike ego state) and move to a more adult perspective of her partnership. Coral began to realise that attributing her feelings to her partner was counter productive; he didn’t MAKE her feel anything. She felt the way she did because of all the myriad things that had made her the unique person she was. Her feelings were her own responsibility and she could exercise some control over how she felt. This freed her up to make the first move as she moved from a combative mindset to one focussed on improving her relationship.

And her first task was to listen, really listen to what he was saying. To listen without judging, without feelings of resentment, without feeling a need to justify. It’s easier said than done (or actually not said!) but with the support of coaching she persevered. Instead of coming back at him with her own snappy retorts, she paid him attention. She was respectful and acknowledged his views, without necessarily agreeing with him.

Cease Fire

As her partner realised he was being listened to, his behaviour began to change too. Gradually they began to talk as adults, each taking responsibility, about the future of their relationship.

Happy Ever After…?

Of course, it wasn’t just happy ever after immediately, this is a true story, not a fairy tale! But it did break the cycle and it did give Coral a feeling of being in control of her life. And that percolated through to her working life. Taking some control of issues at home allowed her to see work issues with a fresh eye and she applied some of the listening techniques to her professional life, with good results. And feeling better about work helped her at home…a virtuous circle.

Coaching

If you have an issue you think our working together could help, give me a call on 01761 438749 or email me if you prefer.

*Of course, Coral is not her real name, and several details have been changed to maintain client confidentiality

What Do You Best?

In terms of work, what is it that you do best? What makes you feel good about yourself? When do you feel most confident and competent?

Research

It’s important to know. Research on what makes a great workplace* placed having a daily opportunity to do what you do best high in a list of positive factors. In fact, it was number three in 12.

Money is a motivator, of course, but for most of us money alone is not enough and it rarely comes out top in any survey of what motivates people. Work is usually so much more than simply a means to earning a living. We need to get something meaningful from it.

Self Worth

And one of those things is the feeling of self worth that comes from doing what we’re good at, at least once a day. If you are not currently getting that feeling of self worth from work, maybe it’s time to explore other avenues? Perhaps there are other ways of meeting that need, like voluntary work, a second job following your passion?  First stop is to see if work can provide it, but if not, try looking beyond the boundaries of paid employment and see what is out there!

Do you have an opportunity to do what you do best every day?

*Gallup, Buckingham & Coffman. ‘First Break all the Rules: What the world’s great managers do differently’.