A Funny Thing Happened to Me Last Week…

When Work Isn't Working

I got an email a couple of weeks ago which stopped me in my tracks. Let me explain the background.

Recently I published my 50th newsletter. I really wanted to thank all my readers who have helped it grow tenfold (by generously passing it on friends and colleagues), so I ran a  competition. I offered regular subscribers an opportunity to win a  free copy of my book ‘When Work isn’t Working’ and, as my readership is all over the world, I promised to send it anywhere in the world. All I wanted to know was how long people had been reading the newsletter.

I had responses from all over the world and printed the addresses so I could pick some at random. One of the enties was a South African email address. As I’ve had articles in South African magazines I have quite a lot of readers there so this was no surprise. What was a surprise was the address they had given – it was a two minute walk from my home in a village in the south West of England!

At first I assumed that I had somehow transposed the address from another email but no, it was genuine. I contacted the sender who told me she had applied on behalf of her daughter as she thought she could really do with the book just now. And so it was popped through her letter box, much to her surprise!

It’s an amazing coincidence, isn’t it? And I really hope she enjoys the book (I’ll let you know!) And it was great to have helped a Mum out who was concerned about her daughter half way around the globe; one of those little human connections that uplift you.

When was the last time a funny thing happened to you…?

Are You Frightened of Success?

Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to success? Sometimes the main thing holding you back from success is you, you may be self sabotaging without even realising it. Fear of being successful is holding you back.

But of course I want to be successful!

Of course you do! Or do you? As much as losing one’s job brings about unasked for change, so does getting a new one. Except in the latter case everyone is pleased for us and expectations are high…

Another example; you may be single and have told friends you are looking for a new relationship; that you feel ready to move on but the right people just aren’t out there. Friends rally round to introduce you to new people, tell you about dating sites, offer advice.

But you take no action. In your head there is always a good reason why you resist all offers of help. It’s the wrong time, you’re going to lose weight, you’re really busy at work, if it’s meant to be it’ll happen.

Or maybe you are bored and miserable in your job. Yet you stay, grumbling about it daily but taking no action to get out of the rut you find yourself in. Then a new job comes up which has everything you want and you meet all the requirements. It’s a bit of a step up, but in your heart you know you can do it. So you send for all the information, have a great informal discussion with the HR person and then miss the application deadline.

In both cases you are self sabotaging and if you want to make a positive change in your life you have to discover why you do it.

Coaching Questions

If self sabotage rings true for you, try to honestly answer these questions about yourself:

• Are you frightened of change, even when it’s positive.
• What’s your track record with change?
• Do you spend so long analysing situations that you become paralysed with all the possible outcomes so you do nothing?
• Do you hold particular self limiting beliefs, such as ‘I’m not good enough’
• Do you get attacks of ‘Imposter Syndrome‘ believing that everyone else is better than you so you tell them about your faults before they ‘unmask’ you? (In my experience this is very common with women – don’t focus on your shortcomings, talk about your strengths!)
• Do you procrastinate so take so long to do something that the deadline passes, or action is never taken? This way, you’re always working toward to it but never quite get there.

If you’ve ticked any of the above, don’t despair! You can change. You have got stuck in a pattern of behaviour that can be altered, a new pattern can be introduced to replace the old one.

Step one is being honest with yourself. You need to know what it is you want and what it is that stops you getting there!

YOU CAN BE SUCCESSFUL!

If you have successfully tackled any self sabotaging behaviours, or have some tips to share, I’d love to hear from you!

Are You Colourful Enough?

If you follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn you will probably have heard me talking about my trip to the spa recently. I went with my daughter as my darling family seemed to think I needed a treat and who was I to argue?

It was wonderful, pure and unadulterated relaxation. One of the most relaxing and yet stimulating ‘activities’ (if you can call lying on a couch in a white towelling robe an activity) was also one of the most simple.

It was in a circular room, draped in white fabric tented style with luxurious seating, candles, low lighting and soft birdsong type music. All the senses were indulged. In the centre were four different sized glass columns full of gently bubbling water which changed colour every few minutes. The effect was very gentle and calming yet sitting there I did more thinking about Life and the Universe than I have in ages. It was a great experience for my business as well as for my health.

Colour Your Life

It’s well known that colour can have a great effect on our imaginations and problem solving abilities. Yet I still visit workplaces which are dull and uninspiring, where the dominant colour is battle ship grey. If you work in such a place you are probably not consciously aware of the dulling effect it may have on you.

So try and jazz it up. Introduce some colour into your workplace, maybe with plants, posters, crayons on desks. This is particularly important if you don’t have access to a window and can’t see natural light. In those circumstances orange (sun like) can be a good colour to introduce somehow. Have some fun.

Some companies instinctively do the right thing. For example,I am in discussion with a large organisation looking with some advice for managers in helping staff be more creative, more involved and energised. They have chosen a very stimulating environment for this day and are busy incorporating lots of fun in amongst the serious stuff. I know they will get at least as good results, if not much better, than if they had gone down the standard team day route!

How much colour is there in your life? How could you zest up your life with a little bit of colour and relaxation?

Inspirational Women – Gee Backhouse

Gee Backhouse is a creator of beautiful jewellery who now lives and works in France with her husband, Chris, and two dogs. She makes a very specialist type of jewellery, tiny compasses cast in precious metals. Beautiful.

Jane: Gee, you live what many women would call the dream life! How do you now make your living?
Gee: I am a goldsmith which means I work specifically with gold and other precious stones and metal. I design and make jewellery and specialise in creating unique compass jewellery.

Calling it the dream life is pretty accurate as I live in a very sunny part of the world, find my work absorbing and am my own boss. I also get to go on gemstone buying sprees which makes me one of the luckiest people in the world. Sweeties for grown-ups.

When you were at school did you have any career thoughts? Did you follow a traditional path, go onto college, or get out into the world of work very quickly?
My career thoughts were that, if I were going to be independent, I needed one! I didn’t have a clue about what I wanted to do, so struggled with how I could possibly choose what to study at A-level. In the end, with good qualifications and the drive to succeed, I studied Computer Studies at degree level.

As a female student, who’d also sneaked in a year earlier than her contemporaries, studying in a male dominated arena was quite a challenge. In spite of having been under the watchful eye of the tutors, I achieved a distinction and came out with results in the top 5%.

What was your very first job? Do you remember how much you got paid?
I started out as a programmer in 1987 working for a company in the private sector. My pay was £7,500 a year. It was a great company to work for; varied work with the space and encouragement to use your initiative. The people were interesting and there was a definite feeling of unity.

What has been the worst job you’ve ever had? With hindsight, what were the lessons you took from it?
Working for a huge organisation as an Analyst/Programmer on a colossal project with no particular visibility was dull dull dull. Oh yes, and there was a strong political undercurrent, too. Yuk. The lesson I learned from that little escapade was that, in an interview situation, the communication needs to be 2-way. My finding out about whether I’m going to like the job is just as important as the interviewer’s assessment of whether I have the right experience and qualifications.

What does jewellery making do for you?
Running my own jewellery making business does several things for me. It allows me to express my practical nature; there’s definitely something very satisfactory about being able to see the tangible results of my efforts. There is also a great sense of achievement in applying skills and techniques to meet some specific requirement or overcome a challenge. The technical requirements of the profession, for example, how different metals will behave in certain situations, also keeps it interesting.

Oh yes, and being able to bash the living daylights out of some piece of work that’s gone wrong (yes, there are days like that) using a big hammer on the anvil, is simply delightful.

Jewellery making is also a wonderful way to celebrate individuality. Each piece I make is a unique, one of a kind creation. Creating compass jewellery adds another dimension, adding independence and change into the mix. Sometimes people want to change. The changes we desire vary in nature, magnitude and significance. How we choose to achieve them is another variable. Each of my compass creations celebrates this complex uniqueness. My hope is to inspire individuals to choose their direction.

Who or what has inspired you the most?
My music teacher was an inspiration to me. As well as a being very accomplished musician, she was an inventor of electronic gadgets, for example, a foot operated page turner for music books. Her independence knew no bounds and she tackled plumbing-in her own bathroom with aplomb when she was in her 60s. She had a pragmatic approach to life; a precious rarity that I admired enormously. Of course, this also translated into her winning all discussions on the subject of my piano practise!

I shall never forget her saying that if I really wanted to learn to play the piano, then I’d make the time to practise. The idea that we can find the time and energy for anything if we’re sufficiently motivated, has stayed with me.

Gee, you grew up in the UK.  How did the move to France come about? Are you bilingual? If so, how did you learn the language? How easy was it?
I grew up in the Cotswolds in the UK. My husband, Chris, had lived in many countries and the thought of living in France had always appealed to him. When pondering the idea of a bolt-hole here in France, a good friend asked us what was stopping us from moving to France entirely. Aren’t friends like that great? Friends who encourage you think about something in a different way are very special. Anyway, it turned out there was nothing stopping us. So here we are living in France!

Bilingual? No. However, Chris and I often find ourselves the only English speaking people in our own home when sharing a meal with friends.  Learning the language was a mix of brushing up our school book French and diving in; making lots of mistakes, some more embarrassing than others, and asking people to correct us. Going shopping, visits to the vet or doctor, getting the car fixed, arranging for a phone line to be installed and registering a business; these are all things that happen without poring over a dictionary before hand. The gestures and shoulder shrugging continue to entertain us. It’s great fun!

What do you miss most (if anything) about being in the UK?
The British sense of humour. Curry take-aways. Cosy pubs (in winter).

What has been the best thing to happen in your life so far?
Realising that my happiness is up to me; that’s the best thing that’s happened to me so far. Actually, it’s sometimes the worst thing that’s happened to me, too! There’s that adage that goes something like this: “If you don’t like your life, change it.  If you can’t change it, then change your attitude”. That sums it up perfectly. It’s not always easy, but where’s the adventure in life if everything’s easy?

How do you relax?
Relaxing, specifically, isn’t something I’m very good at! I find spending time designing creations in my special book (given to me by a friend) very relaxing, experimenting with ideas, sketching out possibilities. Poring over my gemstone collection, admiring them and being inspired by them for creations is lovely, too. They never cease to fascinate me. These activities generally take place in my design room with some aromatherapy oil simmering away, or maybe an incense stick. My design room is a bit of a den with my books, cushions, various surfaces, maps and pictures stuck to the wall, some speakers and invariably a dog or two.

A really relaxing time for me is being tucked up in my sleeping bag when we go camping. The gentle movement of the tent, the sound of the breeze, toasty toes, happy dogs. My husband, Chris, and I love this sort of freedom.

Did you plan your career/life or have events just happened?
I think of my life and career as having evolved driven by the desire to live a life of integrity and fulfilment.  That might sound a bit overly moral but, really, I like being the real me and am happy to be following my dream.  I’ve looked out for, and taken opportunities that have resulted in me being who and where I am right now.  That journey, thankfully, is also ongoing.

Avivah Wittenberg Cox says women in France have got it right re feminism and femininity. Do you think there are significant differences between being a business woman in France rather than the UK?
My exposure to the entirety of being a business woman in France is limited. I run my own business and spend much of my time in my workshop.  Having said that, I must agree with Avivah’s comment that “… French women are confident of their femininity. They wear make-up, heels, feminine clothes and have never thought they have to dress like men.”.  Wherever I look, in whatever role and in whatever city, this rings true. Must get me some heels.

What dreams do you still hold?  What are you working towards?
I love being out on my mountain bike. I read about an incredible bike trail in New Zealand that I’d love to do someday. It incorporated a stop-over hut used by a gold miner. Lakes, mountains, camping, outdoors. You know what, maybe we’ll even live there one day. Shorter term, I’d love for us to get a campervan. We’re very good at spontaneously whizzing off with a tent somewhere and know a campervan would be fantastic!

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
Be yourself.

What advice would you give to anyone reading this and thinking of changing their lives?
Be yourself.  Life’s a Journey, Choose Your Direction.

You can see more of Gee’s beautiful compass jewellery on her web site rockwaterstudio

The Tipping Point

The Tipping Point was the book which propelled Malcolm Gladwell into the public eye and was a massive best seller. I recommend it when running my seminars on change, both as a good read and as an aid to thinking about change.

A tipping point is the point at which things change, or he could have said ‘the straw that breaks the camel’s back’. It’s the point when change becomes inevitable. He talks of new ideas, or products, or types of behaviour as being like an epidemic which at the right moment will take hold and spread.

I like his style of writing; he fills his books with anecdotes and stories. Here’s an example of his style. He’s talking about the actor, Rod Steiger, whom he uses as an example of a great connector:

..he has made great movies like the Oscar winning ‘On the Waterfront’ and dreadful movies like ‘Car Pool’. He won an Oscar for his role in ‘In the Heat of the Night’ and also made bad B movies …. Rod Steiger is the best connected actor in history because he has managed to move up and down and back and forth among all the different worlds and subcultures and niches and levels that the acting profession has to offer.

This is what connectors are like. They are the Rod Steigers of everyday life. They are people whom all of us can reach in only  a few steps because, for one reason or another, they manage to occupy many different worlds and subcultures and niches.

As well as Connectors, Gladwell talks about Mavens and Salesmen and stickiness, but I’ll let you discover those for yourself. Oh and Sesame Street also gets a mention!

It’s a simple and elegant model of change that he puts forward and it’s a book well worth reading if you haven’t discovered it yet.

It’s still available in good book shops, your local library and from Amazon where it is currently on sale at less than £5. The publisher is Abacus.

By the Power of Grayskull! Ahem…

The other day I was delivering a rousing end of course speech to my participants, when the words  “By the Power of Grayskull” left my lips! My audience laughed loudly,  assuming I was deliberately being amusing (laughter is a strong component amongst all the serious stuff in my work!)

But in all honesty I wasn’t. The words just crept up unbidden and popped out when I wasn’t looking! I was talking about not giving away one’s personal power and a trip switch took me backwards.

The Origin

Now you may know exactly where the phrase comes from but I couldn’t remember for the life of me and so had to Google it. In case you don’t know, it’s  from HE- MAN and the  masters of the Universe! (It’s obviously ironic…)

And somewhere in my brain it had lingered since the days I sat down to watch children’s TV with my kids, now 28 and 24! I had used the word ‘power‘ in relation to the women I was coaching and an old neural pathway had opened up in my brain!

Now, apart from me looking a tad bonkers, my verbal slip did no harm. But sometimes old ways of thinking can creep up on us which are harmful to us, which will deter us from following our goals, from being successful. You may think you have conquered that lack of confidence but suddenly something will flip the switch, and almost without us realising we are following a well trodden pathway and our old un-confident self emerges.

What was your last ‘Power of Grey Skulls’ moment?

PS I Googled ‘he man’ to find a picture to illustrate this post. It is astonishing how many grown ups have posted pictures of themselves in He Man costumes!! I spared you….