How to Stay Motivated When You Hate Your Job? Tip 1

How can you stay focussed and motivated when you really hate your job? How do you manage work stress?

One of the consequences of the economic recession is less movement in the job markets. People are staying put for fear of  ‘last in, first out syndrome’. And of course, there are fewer jobs out there and more competition for those that are around.

So how do you keep your motivation going? How do you drag yourself out of bed every morning to do a job that you hate? It’s not easy and if you are in this position you have my sympathies. It’s horrid.

Self Pity

But don’t go too far down the self pity route! At least you do have a job and aren’t reliant on benefits. You’re still in the world of work. So my first tip is:

MANAGE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT WORK

If you’ve ever done any of my training, read my articles or my book, (When Work isn’t Working) you’ll know that I firmly believe we need to take control of our feelings, and that we CAN take control of our feelings even when it feels like pretty much everything else is outside of our control!

If you start each day giving yourself a really negative message, your day is only going to get worse. You are what you think. If you think devalued and worthless thoughts about your work it comes across and you feel worse. Whatever else is happening, your thoughts are your own (‘they‘ can’t make you feel anything-honestly!). Decide now to give yourself a positive message every morning that will help you through this period of your life, not one that will bring you down. (Check this out for some confidence boosting tips)

Your Action Points

• Identify your automatic negative thoughts about your work.

• Notice how often you speak to yourself about work in an unhelpful way

• Notice how this makes you feel. Does it make you feel better or worse (I’m not talking about sharing a moan with a pal, that can be therapeutic!)

• How can you change your negative internal mail into something that will help you through this period of your life?

• Try replacing all negative thoughts with positive ones for one week. What difference has this made to your week?

This is the first in a series of tips to help you through difficult times; if you have found it helpful you might like to receive my newsletter -just sign up in the blue box opposite the picture. And please do share this with others and add your own tips and hints! It’s great to get your comments!

Who Is Your Hero?

Who is your hero? I had a quick trawl of the internet to see how ‘hero’ is defined and one of the best I found was a site written by children for children, which said:

What Does It Mean to Be A Hero?

• A hero is someone who helps other people, or who helps to make other people”s lives better
• A hero is a person who tries to make the world a better place
• A hero is a person who does more than is expected of them
• A hero is someone who doesn’t do something just because it helps their own problems but for the benefit of others
• A hero is a person that doesn’t want to be a hero just to be famous

How Many Heroes in Your Life?

What brilliant definitions! Out of the mouths of babes…. And using their criteria I realise that my life is chock full of heroes. Here are just a few of them:

• My Mum, for living her life to the full, despite the tragedy of losing her youngest son and for, at age 81, pushing her older blind friend to go out every day with her (and literally pushing her around in a wheelchair)
• A dear departed friend who, even in her last few days was still being concerned and caring of others
• The lollipop man (sorry, school patrol crossing officer) who has been in his job for ever it seems but is always courteous and smiling and actually watches the traffic flow as well as the youngsters!
• The man in Florida who rushed off to get us petrol when my daughter and I ran out on way to airport, and didn’t want any payment
• My new and very lovely doctor who is so compassionate and caring of his patients that I fear he may burn himself out
• My two children who are so kind and considerate of their ageing parents and actually like us!

I could go on and on, but I won’t because I would LOVE to hear who are the heroes in your life, and why. Please share this with friends and let’s honour our unsung heroes!

PS When I was looking for a picture to illustrate this fire fighters kept popping up (heroes every one), and I realised that I had my own fire fighter picture and hero, my husband. I won’t embarrass him by listing his heroic qualities as once in a blue moon he reads what he write!!

Claire Rayner- Inspirational Woman

I have just heard of the death of Clare Rayner. What an inspirational life she led.

I think Clare Rayner was one of the unsung heroes of feminism. She got stuck with the title of agony aunt but she was so much more than that. She was a talented, well educated, wise woman who talked about her early life with painful honesty. She started life as a nurse, stopped that when her children were born, and carved out a career for herself as a journalist and writer.

She championed the cause of the patient, speaking out on the topic of MRSA and the mundane topic of proper cleaning and hygiene in hospitals.

Honours were heaped on her; she was an O.B.E and a doctor of Oxford Brooks University to name just two. And talk about being a multi tasker! She wrote novels, factual books and was a journalist.  And she was President of the Patient’s Association and took part in a national review of Nursing.

She was fearless in what she would openly discuss and well ahead of her time. She spoke out about safe sex in the 80s, she talked about cancer in a way that was accessible to all, (she herself had a double mastectomy), and she was passionate about the National Health Service. Her views and opinions were regularly sought by politicians and officials. And ill health appears not to have dimmed her spirit, as you will know if you heard her speaking out about the Pope’s visit to Britain a few weeks before her death.

I am surprised by the depth of my reaction to her death. She was an astonishing woman who has saved untold numbers of lives because of her work in the health field, and her caring and compassionate advice. You could, as a friend of mine said, listen to Claire without squirming. Considering the topics she tackled that’s no mean feat!

Got Any Apples Needing Picking?

It’s autumn and I LOVE this time of year. It always feels like a time of great renewal for me when I plan my year. I do also have winter hibernating tendancies and I love to stock up the larder and freezer and generally bustle around ‘playing house’.

It’s also a time of plenty in the garden. This year in particular my two apple trees have produced a huge glut of fruit which have been hanging over me somewhat reproachfully, as I haven’t actually made more than a couple of pies. Apples are so plentiful here in Somerset that it’s almost impossible to find someone who hasn’t got masses, or access to them.

Of course, in a month or two they won’t be so abundant, so I feel compelled to do something with them now. But the sheer scale of the operation is so daunting that up until now I have just had it on my ‘should do’ pile.

Which is a bit like life in general isn’t it? Sometimes there are just too many possibilities, or a task seems so huge, that we just never get around to making a start and the apples go to waste (or to the birds and wildlife).

However, my choice isn’t a stark one between make hundreds of apple pies or none, although in my head it had become that. I don’t have the time or the energy at the moment to make my over ambitious number pies using all my apples so (in the spirit of the 30 minute rule) today I am going to make three. One to eat, one for my Mum, and one to freeze.  And having made a start, I may make a few more later in the week. The important thing is just to start…

Got any ‘apples’ that need picking this week?

Have You Got a Sorry Habit?

Does being in the company of some people turn you into an over apologiser? By which I mean do you find yourself prefacing your sentences with ‘I’m sorry…’ or continually asking forgiveness for irrelevant things? Has saying ‘sorry‘ become a habit?

This topic came up in a recent coaching session. Further exploration revealed that being with particular people made my client anxious and when she felt anxious she began over apologising. And when she over apologised she put herself in an inferior position to the person she was with. And that made her feel more anxious so she…..you get the idea!

In this case the apologising had almost become reflexive; as soon as the feeling of anxiety kicked in she began apologising, began starting her sentences with ‘I’m sorry’ or apologising for things nothing to do with her, for example slow service in a cafe. The underlying reason was lack of confidence, which we addressed, but first she had to break the S word habit.

Feelings

If you find yourself in this position take a moment to work out what your underlying feelings are.  Pause and say to yourself “What am I actually feeling now”. Anxiety may be part of it, lack of confidence, inferiority feelings and so on. Once you identify the core reason you can take some steps to deal with it.

Habit

Breaking a habit succeeds best if you replace the old behaviour with something else. If you have  a habit of starting sentences with ‘I’m sorry’ when you mean ‘I want to interrupt’ try saying, ‘May I interrupt for a moment’. Be literal. Or you could try beginning by using the person’s name instead of the S word.

Over use of the word sorry is very common with women. I hear it often on my training courses and sometimes it sounds as if the woman is apologising for having a point of view to express. It devalues what follows it, detracts from the authority of your words. Banish it.

And if an apology is genuinely appropriate, try and find another way of offering it. You don’t need to banish the S word forever, just while you are in sorry therapy!

Have You Got an ‘Inner Doormat’?

Do you sometimes feel put upon, work or home? Does it seem that you are always last in the line when good things are dished out? Did you really want one of the cream cakes but held back, and are now glumly looking at a tired old rock bun?

Your Inner Doormat

If so, your inner doormat may be showing! Do you often find yourself feeling quietly aggrieved, and simmeringly resentful at the way you are treated? Are you the one that colleagues always ring when they need cover? Do you say yes, when really you want to say no? Are you  great at doing the martyred female put upon by unthinking, selfish others?

If so, I have a question for you.

Have you asked?

Have you actually thought about what it is you want and then taken steps to get it? I don’t mean doing a back double triple flip somersault across the office floor in order to snatch the last cream cake from an astonished colleague who has a hand hovering over the plate! (Although that would be amazing!)

I mean being upfront and honest, first with yourself, and then with others, about what you want.

If you want others to take you seriously, notice you, acknowledge your wishes, you have to first take yourself seriously and have respect for yourself.

Women Settle for Less

Women, much more than men, undervalue themselves. Have you heard of the experiment when a job was advertised with a fair but high salary? Can’t remember the salary but above the average, say 60k a year. Loads of guys applied, hardly any women. Then the same advert went out, identical in all respects, but this time the salary was significantly lower. That was the only change. And guess what? Hardly any chaps applied but loads and loads of women did. All well qualified for the role! And all could have applied at the higher salary but clearly undersold themselves. The inner doormat held sway!

Not Selfish

The reasons behind your inner doormat behaviour will be many and varied and, unless it’s the result of deep psychological trauma, it doesn’t really matter why. For many, it’s part of a ‘please others’ driver; asking for what you want seems selfish. And if you always put your own needs above those of others Id’ probably agree; that seems selfish. But always putting yourself last is not particularly helpful behaviour either.

Know What You Want

Next time you want find your inner doormat emerging, pause for a moment. Ask yourself why you shouldn’t have a cream cake once in a while, and say, smiling and assertively, ‘Does anyone mind if I take this one?’ (These confidence tips might help) And then, and this is most important, ENJOY IT!