The No Diet (do something different) Diet Book

I am about to embark upon an experiment and if you’d like to join me I’d love to have you along!

I know so many women who are worried about their weight. I’m most definitely not a diet consultant, and I’ve given up dieting, having finally realised that they never work and you always pile on the weight again! But the topic of weight usually emerges in any informal conversation between women at some point. And for many it is a cause of unhappiness.

The No Diet Book?

So I am fascinated by a book I have stumbled upon which claims that changing your habits can help you reach your ideal weight without ever thinking about food or starving yourself!

Usually I’d consign anything making such claims straight to my ‘nice, but deluded‘ bin. But this one is co written by some pretty respected people (Professor Ben Fletcher, Dr Karen Pine, & Dr Danny Penman). I have already reviewed ‘Sheconomics‘ co-authored by Dr Karen Pine and found it to be full of sound good sense, so I actually bought this book out of curiosity to see what they have to say.

The book is called ‘The No Diet (do something different) Diet Book’ and is based on the premise that by actually doing different things, increasing your flexibility and attitudes towards life, you will actually settle at your optimum weight. Strong stuff! Yet, I sign up to much of what they say and use many of the techniques when working one to one or in my courses to help people make positive life changes. Hmm…

I am halfway through reading the book and not a mention of banned foods or exercise! It’s chock full of some really interesting facts and lots of accessible science.

Trial

Now in all honesty, I can’t tell you whether this book is good bad or indifferent, as I haven’t followed the advice. But I am intrigued enough to try. It contains some straightforward instructions to follow so for once, instead of dispensing the advice, I’m going to try taking it. And I’ll blog most week ends on my progress. For example:

Step 4 – Go for a 15 minute walk. Think about your life and what you want from it.

That’s exactly what I recommend on my courses. In fact, if the weather is fine I encourage participants to go and do just that! The authors have a whole month worth of habit changing tasks to try which they claim will help you change your behaviour around eating:

“To cut a long story short, the results of our research at the University of Hertfordshire boiled down to this: you are overweight because you’re trapped inside a web of habits that prevent you from losing weight permanently. It doesn’t matter how determined you are to lose weight, if you don’t overcome the habits that keep you fat, you will remain forever overweight. Break these habits however, and you will effortlessly lose weight”

The authors recommend trying this out with a friend so you encourage and support each other. If you’d like to try this out with me, you can get the book from most large bookshops, or they’ll order it for you (ISBN is 0 75287-400-4, publisher is Orion) or get it direct via Amazon

And look out for the updates!

Why Am I Turning Clients Away?

I suddenly realised that  I have turned away quite a few clients over the last three months. No, I haven’t suddenly turned into a prima donna (well, I don’t think I have) but I have had several enquiries from people who actually weren’t in the right place to take advantage of coaching; for me to have taken them on would have been to have taken advantage of them.

In each case the people concerned were in quite distressed states. I am not qualified as a medic but I have worked in the field of psychiatry and  can usually tell when someone is depressed as opposed to miserable or fed up. I always offer a free session before anyone signs up for coaching (in fact, if I don’t know the individual,  I insist on it as all good coaches do). That session is a two way process. It’s for me to find out what the person is looking to achieve from coaching and for them to check out if my style suits them.

Depression

And just lately I have been speaking to people who are clearly very distressed and looking for a very quick fix. I think this is a sign of the times we’re living in. Sometimes coaching can provide a quick answer but not when, as in these cases, the problems are deep seated. In each case the person has been very vulnerable and I have advised contact with a GP, and recommended action where they don’t need to pay a fee. When they have been insistent that I am just what they need, I have asked them to check out with a doctor and call me in a month’s time if they still think coaching will be helpful.

It’s great when they come back on a more even keel and better prepared to get the most of the coaching experience. And when they don’t, I just hope that they have received appropriate help and no longer need coaching, and have not been taken in by some of the spurious claims made for miracle cures.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just abandon them; I offer my support and advice as far as I am able but I am very clear that sometimes coaching is not the answer!

If you are considering coaching, there is more on this subject here.

How to Stay Motivated When You Hate Your Job? Tip 3

In times of economic downturn people are less likely to move jobs and the market becomes stagnant. This can cause motivation issues even if you love your job (no progression etc), but if you really can’t stand your job…it’s hell! There are a lot of people staying in jobs they’d rather leave. So how can you keep yourself motivated?

In tips one and two we looked at managing feelings, and doing some groundwork on CVs. In tip three I am suggesting that you take some time out to really understand what it is about your current role that you don’t like.

WORK OUT WHY YOU DON’T LIKE IT

Ask yourself the following questions and answer as honestly as you can:

• Is it the attitude of other workers?
• Is it too undemanding of you?
• Is it too much of a stretch for you at the moment?
• Do the value of the organisation jar with your own value system?
• Is it the management style?
• Is it lack of prospects?
• Is it poor pay?
• Is it the office environment?
• Is it the geographical location?

It’s important to understand why this job doesn’t do it for you, so you can be more specific about what you actually do want!

There are more exercises like this in ‘When Work Isn’t Working’., a workbook to help you find your perfect job!

How to Stay Motivated When You Hate Your Job? Tip 2

Don’t stop planning for the next step. It’s a cliche but it’s true:

Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.

When the job market isn’t buoyant it’s tempting to sit back and think there’s nothing you can do. If you’re not careful you’ll get very comfortable gently moaning away about your lot to sympathetic clucks from friends, only to be caught unawares when an opportunity arises!

So my second tip is -

MAKE SURE YOUR RESUME/CV IS COMPLETELY UP TO DATE

Don’t wait until a job appears and then go into panic mode to get your act together; take the opportunity now. 

And if you’ve never considered it before, how about getting a professionally written resume? In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t costs a fortune and could be the difference between getting your application onto the interview pile and not.

Plus, a good professional will ask you some of the searching questions that will stand you in good stead at interview. Obviously, CVs should be tailored to the particular requirements of any job you’re applying for but it’s always good to have a base line to work from.

Professional Support

If you want to find out more and get some good tips on CV writing, I recommend you drop by the site of Julie Walraven. You can find her by clicking here. She’s based in the US but does most of her work on line. Or swap with a friend. You write hers and vice versa. Seek advice from knowledgeable friends, making it clear that you want an honest opinion. This is important.

Once you have begun to take some action, to take control of your own future, you’ll begin to feel better about yourself and your confidence levels will rise. Which, by the way, makes you a much more attractive proposition to a prospective employer!

Sheconomics – Add Power to Your Purse

Sheconomics is a great book!

Initially I baulked at the idea of a book about finance written for women, having visions of being patronised but I need not have worried. I know men and women view life differently so why not money too! It’s co written by Professor Karen Pine and Simone Gnesson, and published by Headline.

Take Control

If you ever feel your spending is out of control this book will help you. If you get a huge pleasure from buying things you don’t need, followed by a huge rush of guilt when the bills come in, this book is for you. And if you’d just like to take a fresh look at how you manage your money, this book is for you!

Laws of Sheconomics

The authors highlight several laws of Sheconmics. Each ‘law’ is a chapter heading complete with examples, and exercises, and very practical advice. The ‘laws’ are:

• Take Emotional Control
• Go Beyond Beliefs
• Spend with Power
• Have Goals
• Look Debt in the Face
• Share Financial Intimacies
• Know Tomorrow Comes

Positive Thinking About Money

Pine and Gnesson do not advise that simply thinking about earning loads of money will make you attract it (if they did I wouldn’t be reviewing them here!); however, they do encourage you to look at what your thinking is about money, and to acknowledge that you may be holding onto some very self limiting negative beliefs about money.

Here’s an excerpt from the book:

Having talked about the limiting beliefs we can hold, the authors encourage their readers to adopt some positive ones. This is their Ten Top Positive Sheconomic Beliefs

• Money matters as much as health or relationships in my life
• I deserve to have the financial security and lifestyle I want
• There’s enough money to go round
• I create the results in my life
• I’m grateful for the money that flows into my life
• I can increase my knowledge about money and finance
• I’m a money magnet
• It’s easier to make money than to spend it
• I can be well off and a good person at the same time

Now these may not be your ideal top ten, which the author’s acknowledge, but reading this chapter will help you to think about the attitudes you do hold, and if changing them would be helpful to you.

Breaking a Taboo

In the UK we are generally very diffident when talking about money. In fact, we rarely do. It’s refreshing to pick up a well written book that tackles this topic head on, written with a female audience in mind, and that leaves you feeling more in control! I thoroughly recommend this book.

Sheconomics was published in 2009 and is widely available in bookshops and through local libraries. Or you can purchase it through Amazon here.

Sarah Beeny – Inspirational Woman!

Update! Many of you will have seen Sarah’s recent TV programme, Restoration Nightmare in which she renovated her huge stately home to use as a wedding venue. She mentioned the house in her original interview with me but I had no idea of the tremendous amount of work involved! And so I asked her a few follow up questions, which you can see below…

I was really thrilled when Sarah Beeny agreed to give Changing People an interview; she is a TV personality I much admire and her output is prodigious! Not only TV programmes, but also two web sites, one on dating and one on her first love, property.

Jane: Sarah, thanks so much for taking some time out of your busy working life to talk with us. And that busy schedule includes TV work, like ‘Your House is falling Down’ and ‘Property Ladder.’ You also run ‘Tepilo’, a market leading private property site and ‘My Single Friend’ a dating website where friends can nominate a single friend. It’s exhausting just listing it all! Share your secrets, please!

So, my first question is, how do you manage to juggle all your commitments?
Sarah: It can get very interesting – I’m a bit of a control freak and not very good at delegating. Sometimes I do feel a little like I’m drowning, but then that’s my own fault for taking it all on. I don’t like letting people down, and there’s always a long list of things I should be doing. My children have been and always will be my priority – and I just have to make time for the rest when I can. I have a great team of people around me, including my husband, so I’m lucky in that respect.

How did you first get into TV work? Were you already involved in property?
Yes, property has always been in my blood really. My father was an architect and I was immersed in property from an early age. I started a property development company with my brother and husband when I was 24. Getting on TV after that was just coincidence really – I met a producer at a hen party, went for a screen test and was thrown in at the deep end after that.

You always seem so enthusiastic on TV and your pregnancies have been much commented on. (You now have 4 children). Has it ever caused you any problems professionally being so obviously a parent? Eg How do the workmen react to you when you start clambering on roofs?
Just to set the record straight here I have 4 boys – so I haven’t been pregnant non stop for the last 20 years or anything – although sometimes it does feel like it. I’ve always been quite hands on, so I love getting stuck into projects – I don’t think anyone has been able to stop me so far. Being a working parent has actually been good for my career I think and it’s nice to be able to encourage other mothers or fathers to get out there and work at the same time as looking after the family.

How do you cope with comments about your appearance? Does it bother you? You seem on the surface well able to take it in your stride but does it ever get to you?
It doesn’t really bother me to be honest – people will always have their views and they’re welcome to them – hopefully I can take most of it in my stride. Mostly I’m flattered by how many lovely people there are out there.

What was your school career like? Were there any hints of the media career to follow?
I was quite entrepreneurial from a young age actually, so there was probably more sign of the businesses coming out – I studied Drama, so I guess that’s where the TV side of things originated, but I hadn’t predicted that things would turn out the way they have.

Your dating site is quite a departure from your property interests. What prompted you to start that?
The idea for mysinglefriend.com came from real life. I’m known amongst my friends as a bit of a matchmaker and I was always trying to set people up on dates. I reached the point where I had run out of people so thought there must be somewhere I can post a profile of my friends and use the web to find them someone. It then kind of grew from there and more and more people started to use the site.

If you could give your younger self some advice now, what would it be?
Don’t give up piano lessons and find a hobby that means you never have to consciously commit to ‘exercise’.

Who most inspires you now on a professional level?
I think most of the many entrepreneurs and people starting their own companies are inspirational – it’s great to see so many great ideas being developed and the effort put in, lengths people go to and sacrifices made to succeed. 

What has been your biggest achievement to date, the thing you are most proud of?
That would have to be my children – but I’m very proud of my websites and where they have got to. Tepilo seems to be growing very quickly now.

What’s been the best mistake you ever made?
That would probably be my children too…

How do you recharge your batteries?
We have a house in Yorkshire that we escape to. We’ve been renovating it over the last year or so, so I’m not sure it’s been so relaxing recently, but it’s time out from our busy work schedule and most importantly time together as a family.

Having now seen Restoration Nightmare I can’t imagine that it was relaxing at all, although I can see that it made a break from what you normally do! It seems your heart truly ruled your head when you bought that lovely property. Do you think people should buy homes with their heart and investment properties with their heads?
Yes, well to some extent – you always need to have a head involved, but if you’re buying somewhere to settle for a few years and fall in love with the property, then surely the pleasure you get from it is worth something, and there’s a good chance it will be there for others too.

You talked often about how much you loved Rise Hall, almost as if it were a house with a personality. Do you think buildings do ‘give out’ in this way, that it’s possible to pick up atmospheres and feelings from buildings? By the way, I speak as someone who bought her first and only home over 30 years because it ‘felt right’ as soon as I was inside the front door, although nothing else was right! The house (no Rise Hall but a small stone built box!) is about 100 years old and we are only the third people to have lived in it, so I think it must have exerted that pull on others!
I would certainly like to think so – but it’s really the fact that they become part of your life, a project that you work over the years on and something you add your own personality to. Make a house a home is still one of the best sayings.

In your experience who makes the major decisions in relationships about house buying? Are men less emotional than women, or is that stereotypical nonsense? And who has the last word in choosing the wedding venues?
I think it’s actually quite mixed – a lot of the time it’s the person who is most dominant in the relationship, other times it’s the one spending most time there.

What advice would you give to someone buying their first home now?
For first time buyers it’s all about finance – be careful what you borrow and spend time working out what you can afford. It’s not worth the sleepless nights if you struggle.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve been given?
Positive things happen to positive people.

What advice would you give anyone wanting to follow in your footsteps?
You should only regret things you don’t do, not things you do – so be brave and go for it.

Sarah, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us, I really appreciate it. Many thanks!
And if you’d like to take a look at Sarah’s websites, My Single Friend is here , Tepilo, her property site can be found here, and if you’d like to check out ‘Help, My House is falling Down!’ click here!  And if you have any thoughts to share on what makes a house a home and how you decided to buy your home, please comment below!