The Empathy Quiz

There was a really thought provoking article in the UK newspaper The Observer recently on the topic of Empathy. I have written before about empathy but the premise of this article was that lack of empathy has a link with evil, or perhaps could be an alternative, more accurate definition for evil.

The article was written by Simon Baron-Cohen, professor of Developmental Psychopathology at the University of Cambridge and Fellow at Trinity College, Cambridge. He is Director of the Autism Research Centre in Cambridge. With those credentials, as you might expect, it’s well worth a read. (There is a link to the article at the end of this post).

The article was accompanied by a quiz to check out your empathy levels, which is 40 questions long. I have picked just ten of those questions below, which if you answer “strongly agree” suggests a high level of empathy, (you can take the full quiz on The Observer site)

• I can easily tell if someone wants to enter a conversation
• I am quick to spot if someone in a group is feeling awkward and uncomfortable
• I find it easy to put myself in someone else’s shoes
• I don’t tend to find to find social situations confusing
• I can tune into how someone else feels rapidly and intuitively
• I can usually appreciate the other person’s viewpoint, even if I don’t agree with it
• I can tell if someone is masking their true emotion
• I can sense if I am intruding, even if the other person doesn’t tell me
• I really enjoy caring for other people
• I can pick up quickly if someone says one thing but means another

Before writing this post I had a brief email exchange with Dr Baron-Cohen re my own bias that sometimes women’s empathy does not serve them well in senior positions, and is not valued. He replied that he agreed and referred me to his book on that topic, The Essential Difference (Amazon link), published in 2004. I’m not sure how that one passed me by but I’m about to read it. Look out for a review soon!

Meanwhile, what do you think? Are high levels of empathy incompatible with very senior management posts? What about senior politicians?  Let me know your thoughts!

The Observer article is here.
Photo by Mrinkk

Inspirational Woman – Natasha Courtenay-Smith

Natasha Courtenay-Smith is a journalist and founder of the prize winning press and publicity agency, Talk to the Press. You may well have seen or heard her on her numerous radio and TV appearances, talking about her business and some of the people they represent. This is her story for a change!

Jane: Natasha, you run a very successful press agency, Talk To The Press, (we’ll talk about your awards later!) What prompted you to begin your own business?
I’d always imagined I would run my own business (my parents had done) and it was largely boredom and feeling restricted that lead me to take the plunge and leave my former job, which was as a feature writer at the Daily Mail, in 2005.

Another factor was that I knew I wanted to have children (one day) and so wanted to set myself up and establish myself as a self-employed person prior to that happening. I didn’t want to have to deal with things like having to work long hours because my boss said so once I’d had a baby, and I didn’t want to try and start a business at the same time as becoming a mum.

At the time, I had a notion I’d like to run my own press agency, but I didn’t have any grand plan at that point of what it would be like and how it would work. I worked first as a freelance writer and was regularly commissioned by national newspapers and women’s magazines for two years and then started thinking more about formalising things into a proper press agency.

At the Daily Mail, I’d regularly dealt with individuals who had, for any number of reasons, found themselves making headlines and then faced the awful situation of reporters on their doorstep, being asked to sell their story, and these were the people that I wanted to help and also that I felt confident I knew how to help.

In January 2008, I launched the Talk to the Press website. Within weeks of the website going live, I discovered I was pregnant. I already had one employee so I took on another (mainly so the girl I already employed wouldn’t be lonely during my maternity leave – not sure if that is the best reason to recruit!) and then spend 9 months frantically building up the business so it was generating enough money to pay my two employees and generate a small profit whilst I had my baby. Looking back, it must have been stressful but it didn’t feel that way at the time.

What were the biggest hurdles you faced in launching your own business? What did you find the most daunting aspect of going it alone?
I probably speak for many self employed mums when I say the biggest hurdle was juggling the business and being a very new mum. In many ways, it’s wonderful in that being my own boss, I’ve been able to spend far more time with my little boy than I would have done had I remained working on a national newspaper, especially now.

But in the early days, my time with him was probably compromised by the business’ needs. I definitely felt under more pressure that mums who have jobs and are able to go on maternity leave and not think about work. I was back at work one day a week when my little boy was six weeks old and took him into the office every Monday for a meeting with my employees.

Although I was completely committed to my business, with all the emotion and confusion that being a new mum brings, I didn’t have enough self-belief to not worry about what other people thought and to not feel judged (in a bad way) by other new mums I met at the time, who invariably weren’t even thinking about work at all.

And what was the most exciting?
The most exciting was just realising that the Talk to the Press website did work (in that people visited it and felt able to get in touch with their stories), and that increasingly people were choosing us to handle media for their stories or to sell their story.

What has been the most exciting/rewarding story you’ve covered?
We’ve worked on so many great stories, it’s difficult to say, but the ones that stand out are the times we really helped those who were making headlines. Most recently, we represented ‘supergran’ Ann Timson who became an overnight heroine after beating off a gang of jewel robbers with her handbag. It was wonderful to meet Ann and to step in and help her handle the media attention which had unnerved her somewhat. But she soon got into the swing of it and we even arranged for her to fly to New York (business class!) to appear on the Today show.

We also represented the women conned by Simon Reid, who in a story that made headlines, got together to confront him and filmed his entire reaction. We  secured them a multi media deal too which included newspapers, magazines, television, and they also went to New York to appear in the Today show – and enjoyed a two day break there while they were at it!

What did you want to be when you ‘grew up’? Were there any early indications of that entrepreneurial spirit?
Hmm, at this point I should be saying that I ran the school tuck shop and made 10p profit on every Mars Bar I sold, but that wasn’t the case! I did once hold a sale of my art, but I only sold my paintings to my parents, so I’m not sure that counts as true “entrepreneurial spirit.”

Growing up I actually wanted to be in the police force! I did psychology at university and continued being keen on the police, until the moment came when I finished university and realised in fact I was too scared of things like the dark and criminals to go into the police force. I’d actually always loved writing, and it was then I decided I’d like to be a journalist.

I think in actual fact my ‘entrepreneurial spirit’ only emerged once I was self-employed. It was only once I wasn’t in a paid job that I started to see how I could build a business, employ others and repeat the process to generate more work and money. And I found with no boss to hand you a payrise, better job title or increased responsibility, I began to think about ways I could create all that for myself.

As a journalist did you encounter any discrimination or issues because you were female and feisty?
No, I’ve never had any issues because of being a woman! Professionally, I think men enjoy bantering with women who are successful and feisty.

Do you have a mentor or someone who has inspired you?
I’m inspired by all mums who run their own businesses, and all self-made individuals.

I constantly read business books, I’ve read all books by BBC 2s ‘Dragons’, those by Sahar Hashemi and any other entrepreneurs I can get my hands on. My particular favourite is ‘How to Get Rich’ by Felix Dennis (the title is ironic, the book is brilliant). He almost sees business as a game and I love his no nonsense attitude.

I’ve also followed a book called ‘The Winner’s Bible’ which recommends visualisation as a way to see the bigger picture and what you could achieve if you set your mind to it.

But one thing I actually lack is a mentor in my life. I would love to know more women who are as driven as I am, and who have children too, and have them in my social set. I would love to be friends with someone like Anya Hindmarch, who has four children and also runs a multi million pound business. Not because she’s a ‘celebrity’, but because I would love to know women who have achieved far far more than I could even imagine, and who would make me feel I could be doing so much more than I currently am, and who could offer advice on the things I might consider doing next. I find that some of my own friends in fact make me feel as though I should either be doing less, or that what I’m doing already is more than enough.

Research shows that women consistently undersell themselves when applying for jobs (and men oversell) and that women business start ups rarely ask for enough money to get them going. Have you ever suffered from ‘hiding your light’, or felt diffident about your abilities, and what advice do you have for readers wanting to start their own business?
My business hasn’t had any funding but generally speaking, I think I definitely suffer from this. If people ask me what I do, I have been known to mutter vaguely about being a journalist and leaving it at that. I know that actually I should be saying I run a fairly successful press agency, I’ve been on TV, I’ve won awards but instead I find myself changing the subject! But it’s a British thing to underplay achievements isn’t it – no one wants to be seen as too big for their boots! What is interesting is that as my business grows, I am getting far better about talking about it and its achievements.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given or read?
To set goals and to constantly remind yourself what your goals are. It’s easy to get bogged down in nitty gritty, but goal setting keeps you focused on the bigger picture. By the same vein, there is a great quote, I don’t know who by, but it is ‘To avoid seasickness, look to the horizon’.

Entering awards is a brilliant way to get publicity for your business and recognition for what you do. You have won FOUR business awards. Can you tell us how that came about and what difference winning those awards has made to you and your business?
Yes, I’ve won four business awards. I won the ‘Women in Business’ award at the Startups Awards, which recognise achievements of new business in the UK. TTTP was then named ‘Outstanding New Publicity Solution’ by the Global Business Excellence awards. TTTP has also been recognised as one of the UK’s smartest small businesses, having been chosen by a judging panel including Deborah Meaden as a winner of Smarta.com’s ‘Smarta 100’ award. And I was featured on Management Today magazine’s ’35 under 35’ annual list of female high flyers. I’ve also reached the finals of two more awards.

Well, the simplest way to win awards is to enter them – so part of it is finding the time and making the effort to write out proper entries. I think a lot of people think about entering awards, and then never actually do, just as many people say ‘One day I’d like to run my own business’ but you know full well they will never do it.

Winning awards has been a great thing for Talk to the Press. I think people are naturally suspicious of journalists and to have had the business independently assessed and deemed worthy by a number of high profile entrepreneurs, including Deborah Meaden, is like a stamp of approval. For me personally, it’s been a wonderful thing in terms of confidence as well.

How do you manage to get a good work/home balance?
I think being my own boss helps. Although I do work incredibly hard, it’s all done within a time structure that I set myself and that ultimately I control. For instance, I leave at 5pm every day to pick up my little boy from nursery and then it’s me and him time until he goes to bed (although I won’t lie and say I don’t check and reply to emails on my iphone as I do!). Although of course it stresses me out when he’s sick and I find myself running my business from the sofa, I know I’m not going to get sacked.

For any mum though, getting the perfect balance is difficult and I’m not sure anyone would think they’ve done that, whether they work or not. It’s a bit like finding the Holy Grail and I’m not sure the perfect balance exists.

You founded the Notting Hill Shopping Bag scheme; what made you do that?
The Notting Hill Shopping Bag is a cotton reusable bag for tourists and locals alike sold from a number of different stalls and shops across the area, the artwork on it is designed by local school children, and 10 per cent of the profits are given to local good causes. I just set it up to see what would happen – and have sold around 11,000 bags to date.

It came about simply because I live and work in Notting Hill and love the area. The Talk to the Press offices are based on Portobello Road, and over the past few years, I have come to know many stallholders and have always enjoyed watching the ebb and flow of their businesses throughout the day and the seasons. Somewhere along the way, I noticed that there is a shortage of really nice locally-themed souvenirs for Notting Hill that aren’t naff, and I suspected that given the popularity of the area, there would be demand for something authentic.

It’s been a very different sort of business for me, and a great learning curve. It’s the first time I’ve had to worry about issues like stock levels and commodity prices (the price of cotton has risen 50 per cent since I launched), plus it’s the first time I’ve been selling a product in return for hard cash and also importing goods from overseas. It’s incredible when a delivery arrives on a huge articulated lorry, I feel quite emotional that the bags have completed their long sea journey safely and that the only reason this huge oversized vehicle has turned up in Portobello Road is because of me!

The business makes far less money than TTTP, but in a sense, it is just as rewarding. When I collect in £200 in cash from a bag stockist who has sold out of bags, it feels like just as much as an achievement as selling a story for £5000.

In a business like Talk to the Press, you never see cash, it’s electronic figures going up and down on a bank account. It’s a great thing to see sales being made in cash, to get that cash, to take that cash to the bank and then use it to buy more products and then to wait for the products to physically arrive on a lorry and have to be sold to get that cash back again. It’s back to the basics of business.

Which woman currently in the public eye do you most admire?
I admire any truly determined and driven self-made women, such as Hilary Devey, Deborah Meaden, Anya Hindmarch, Alice Temperley, Debbie Moore, Mary Portas, Claire Powell, Victoria Beckham, Kelly Hoppen, the list is endless. I devour any quotes I can from people like that in the hope of learning something new.

What’s your favourite way to relax and unwind?
A glass of wine with friends.

Do you have a favourite tip or saying or motto you’d be happy to share?
Lots of them!
‘Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way you are right’ – Henry Ford
‘All you require is you, and your ability to think things into being’ – Dr Martin Luthur King (this was particularly the case with the Notting Hill Shopping Bag which came from a thought in my mind.
And there is a fantastic poem, I don’t know who by, called ‘It’s all in the state of mind.’ To give a flavour, the first paragraph is
‘If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you’d like to win but you think you can’t, it’s almost a cinch that you won’t
If you think you’ll lose you’ve lost
For out in the world you’ll find
Success begins with a fellows will
It’s all in the state of mind.’

Natasha, thank you so much for sharing your story. There is so much here to inspire readers. Thank you very much and continued success to you and the business!

For more information visit talktothepress or email Natasha on message@talktothepress

Three Reasons Why Women Don’t Progress???

Well, if all the research and statistics are to be believed we women are a feeble bunch and hugely lacking in confidence! And that lack of confidence in our own abilities is a significant reason in our not applying for the top jobs!

Hmm, yes, confidence is an issue for many women in all areas of life, not least when it comes to grabbing those higher income and high status posts. That’s what the research tells us and that’s what we tell the researchers, apparently.

But I believe it cuts much deeper than that. I think we shy away (are kept away) from some of those top jobs because:

Three Reasons Women Are Not At The Top

1) We physically have children and society has still not organised itself in such a way that child care is valued (think how much child carers, usually women, get paid). It’s a rare organisation where women are not penalised in the career stakes if they reproduce. And that’s not to mention the other pressures coming to bear on women once they become mothers. I just did a quick mental trawl of the senior women I have worked with and I can think of only one who has children.

2) By and large the decisions as to who to promote are still made by men, de facto, as there aren’t many women in those top positions.There is a well researched bias that we tend to gravitate towards people like us. And appoint them…

3) The world of work has been designed by men and suits men well but it doesn’t really suit women. There is a strong gender bias operating. We are continually adapting, whether we realise it or not, and that leads to a feeling of dissonance, which in turn can erode our confidence in the workplace. Often we react by opting out (I know I did!) or setting up our own businesses. Maybe we are misinterpreting that feeling ‘at odds’ with the system as a lack of confidence in our own abilities?

Your Views

What do you think?

Are you in a senior position?

How did you get there and how does it feel?

Have you held back from applying for a senior post and why?

What would help redress the balance do you think?

Please do share your views! Agree/disagree/don’t know/new insights!. I really look forward to hearing from you!

Your Dream Dinner Party

I was recently a guest on a BBC radio programme where I had the joy of putting together my dream dinner party. I was asked to compile a list of 4 people I’d like to invite to a dinner party. This is my four. See if this is a dinner party you’d like an invite to!

Rosa May Parks

First I’d invite Rosa May Parks who refused to stand on a segregated bus when there were empty seats available reserved only for ‘white people’ and was hugely influential in the Civil Rights Movement in the US.  She was just an ordinary woman, a seamstress, who had had enough and literally stood up for herself and came to be called the ‘First Lady of Civil Rights’. I’d love to meet her and ask her did she have any idea of what her action would set off? Did she ever regret becoming such a high profile woman, and where did she think that courage came from? And I’d like to see her chatting with my second guest

Emmeline Pankhurst. The Pankhurst women are well known as leaders of the Suffragette movement. Unlike the action sparked by Rosa, violent protest came to be a significant part of their striving for change (although not eagerly embraced by all the suffragettes).  Emmeline had five children; her daughter Christabel worked closely with her, what a mother daughter combination.

Finally, in year of her death, women got the vote on the same terms as men, but that was only in 1928! (in 1914 only women over 30 could vote) I’d like to know what she was like, where she got that fervour from. She must have been a very powerful woman; when the suffragettes were imprisoned for their acts of civil disobedience they went on hunger strike. Some were force fed (until politically that became too contentious) The story goes that a group of guards advanced on Emmeline to force feed her but she gave them such a telling off they retreated! She might be quite a scary guest but very interesting! I wonder what she would think of the position now where lots of women shy away from calling themselves feminists.

I’d also invite Judi Dench. I think she’s a wonderful actress and I’d love to meet her (and introduce her to my actor son!) I’d like to ask her about what she said once about self belief. I think she was playing Cleopatra. I never saw it but she said she just believed she was beautiful. Everyone who saw and subsequently wrote about that production said she was! That is amazing self belief! And I’m also told by people who have met her that she is a thoroughly nice woman. I’m sure she’d like to meet Rosa and Emmeline.

I dithered on this last one between Beryl Cook, artist, and Mary Wesley, novelist. Both are women who came to prominence in later life, showing age really is irrelevant. I plumped for Mary in the end as Beryl was quite reclusive and would probably hate it. She’d prefer to be sitting in a Bristol pub watching everyone.

Mary Wesley had her first adult novel published at the age of 71 and it was pretty raunchy, dispelling yet another myth about older people and sex. I’d love to ask her about her war time experiences. I’ve heard she was in MI5, but don’t know if it’s true. Between ‘83 and ‘97 she wrote ten novels and has been described as ‘Jane Austen with sex’.  I mention both women a lot on my courses to show it really is never too late. She died when she was 90, and stopped writing at around the age 87. I’d definitely be saying “And what did you do during the war, Mary?”

Your Dream Guests

So if you were to put together your dream list of guests, who would you include and why?

Toast, Fridays, and Life

As I write this it’s a wet and windy day, a perfect day to have tea and toast, comfort food. And so I’ve just had some with a steaming pot of tea!

But as I was eating my toast I got a client call so put the toast down and went up to my office to consult my diary (am very low tech, pen and paper every time!).

Finishing the call, I got caught up with some emails and Tweeting but then I got that slight nagging feeling, of something forgotten, do you know what I mean? Something wasn’t quite right. I only had a mouthful or so of toast left but I knew I hadn’t properly finished it. My stomach kept nudging me saying, give us that last bit! So I went back downstairs, searched for it (how does toast get lost!) and complied with my stomach’s request. And I felt better. Not hugely better, I just knew I had finished it.

Friday Finish

Work can be like that. Sometimes we leave inconsequential bits of work unfinished, or get disturbed and don’t go back. It’s not normally earth shattering stuff. Its the smaller day to day things that get left out, like maybe you were on your way to thank someone when you got waylaid. Or you were going to send out an email as the phone rang and it got forgotten. But it niggles at the back of your mind, like a morsel left uneaten.

So, maybe today, before finishing up for the week end you can bring some of those little morsels to the fore, and finish your week sated and satisfied!

Do You Trust Yourself?

How many people in your life do you trust, really trust? How many people are there in whose opinions you have total confidence?

I hope you can count quite a few. Did you include yourself? Do you trust yourself and your own instincts? Do you have confidence in what you can do and the decisions you make?

Making a Decision

When you have to make a difficult or very significant decision you may have a particular friend whose judgement you value. Or maybe a family member or parent. You may perhaps even imagine advice from someone you don’t know, or someone like a parent, who is no longer living but still a valuable inspiration to you.

It’s good to get advice. But how often do you listen to you? Do you trust your own advice? Do you find yourself thinking sometimes you ought to be doing something?

If you listen very carefully to your inner self you’ll know whether you ‘ought‘ to or not. Don’t rush it, take your time, sleep on it and listen to yourself. Trust yourself to know what is best for you. Literally ask yourself the question and wait to hear the answer in your own head. Trust that you will do what is best for you, whatever anyone else is saying. You are the architect of your own life, in charge of your own development, so take hold of it and follow your instincts.

You may think that an odd thing for me to say, spending a lot of time as I do professionally helping women at various stages in their lives. It isn’t my role to tell women what to do, but to help them work out what it is they want to do! And then to have the confidence to really go for it!