Women Are Difficult at Work?

Whenever I post something about gender issues someone will invariably feel compelled to tell me that they have worked with “difficult women“; that women don’t support each other, are ‘bitchy’ (hate that word) and that they once had a female boss who was awful.

Most of the time I resist the impulse to say “So what?”

For the purposes of clarification and so in future I can refer such folk (and it’s men and women equally) to this post, let me explain:

• wanting a fairer representation for women at work
• wanting to see women represented in serous news programmes
• wanting to see more women in senior positions
• wanting businesses to have more women on boards
• running a course for women who want to progress
• coaching women who want to progress in their careers
• wanting to see what women bring to the professional world is valued alongside the attributes of men

does NOT mean that I think women are better than men and infallible.

Women get it wrong sometimes.

Men get it wrong sometimes.

We are different and bring different gifts to the table. I want to see a world where we make space at the table for both and not run things so one half of the population has an advantage.

If you enjoyed this post, do take a look at A Feminist Paradox, and am happy to hear your views too!

Photo Credit: Nextia

Flex – Do Something Different!

Having read and reviewed several books from this author before (well one half of the duo)  such as Sheconomics and The No Diet (do something different) Diet Book I picked this one up with alacrity. Well, to be totally frank and honest the publishers sent it to me precisely because I had reviewed the other two books, but in all truthfulness I think I would have bought it anyway! It chimes with much of my own beliefs and we all like to have our views confirmed!

It’s a different kind of read to the other two I’ve mentioned being mainly written by Ben, although Karen is a co-author. The premise behind No Diet is that our habits not lack of will power keep us chained to old possibly destructive ways of behaving. Flex takes this further and deeper, suggesting that by changing our habitual way of behaving,  we can tap into our full potential and transform our life.

And this book gives you all the science so excellent for psychology students too!

Here’s an extract from Flex so you can get an idea of style:

Page 104: 40 What Does a Do Something Different Intervention Look Like?

We know that when people keep doing the same things it can make life at best boring and at worst troublesome. But habits also narrow our view. They blind us to the many other options that are available to us. Therefore a Do Something Different programme simply suggests different things to do each day. These switch off a person’s auto pilot and put them back in the driving seat of life. By making small daily disruptions to their everyday life they start to steer it down a different track. There’s no struggle, no gritted teeth to maintain their will power – just a grdual loosening of the habit-web that had a stranglehold on the person.

When a person starts to do something different they:

• expand their world
• break free of their comfort zone
• shake off the habits that held them back
• look at things differently
• open up to new possibilities
• see themselves in a new light
• allow new opportunities into their life and
• have different reflections about themselves

And here’s one example of doing things differently suggested by the authors:

• Shift Your Butt Day: Today don’t sit anywhere that you would normally sit. That’s at the dining table, at work, watching TV, or in a meeting.Triggers for unwanted behaviour often exist in our daily routines and the environment around us. Literally changing where we sit can mean we are not triggered to do what we would normally do in that place.

It’s not an especially light read and if I have one small criticism it’s that it occasionally feels like it veers between being a self help book aimed at individuals and a text book for serious student of psychology. Tabloid to broadsheet in one chapter – but that’s not necessarily a bad thing! The advice is sound and it works. You’ll also find lots of quizzes and self examining questionnaires in its pages which are helpful in understanding oneself and great for those who love them!

Overall I recommend this book to anyone interested in making serious changes, or in helping others make changes. It will have a place in my book list when training and be on my ‘useful resources’ table. Don’t expect to pick it up and dip in; it demands more from you than that but a thorough reading will pay dividends.

Flex. Do Something Different. How to use the other 9/10s of your personality, by Professors Ben (C) Fletcher andKaren Pine, published by University of Herefordshire Press ISBN 978-1-907396-54-0 at £8.99 Available from your library, good bookshops and from the University site

A Feminist Paradox?

There has been much debate recently about the BBC’s flagship radio news programme Today and whether it is sexist or not, ie very few women appear in it and it has 4 male presenters and only one woman.  As you might have guessed I’ve had a few words to say on the subject too (Do Women Need Role Models?) Questions have even been asked in parliament!

Libby Purvis, a respected and experienced broadcaster wrote about it in the Mail recently. By and large she doesn’t agree with the criticism (although I don’t agree totally with her it’s a good article, click link at end to read it). In brief she says that the Today programme represents the world as it is, more men are in power than women. Implicit is that it’s not the BBC’s role to change attitudes and formulate policy (there’s a thesis waiting to be done on that!)

And therein lies the paradox…..we need more women in power to hear about more women in powerful roles, but the world is ruled by men and until women get into power that won’t change….

Answers on a postcard please, or simply use the comments box below.

Click here to read Libby’s article.

“Men Cause Conflict – Women Befriend” ?

My eye was caught by a recent review of the psychological evidence re gender and aggression. Professor Mark van Vugt from the Institute for Cognitive & Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, has reviewed all the psychological evidence and says the evidence is conclusive:

Male sex drive is at the root of most violence in the world; men are shaped by evolution to be aggressive towards ‘outsiders’. The tendency to violence is strengthened by natural selection.

Are Men Really More Violent?

It makes for hard reading. I have a son and husband who are not violent people, far from it. However, I have found myself thinking violent thoughts when one of my own has been threatened or hurt (but I have to say I have never actually hit anyone – just fantasised about it!) And if you’ve ever been in the car when someone cuts my daughter up block up your ears!

Yet the evidence is there and I know it from my work with professional women and my own experience. Generally speaking men are much more aggressive in the workplace than women and this quality is a valued one in business. We women, say the researchers, have evolved to resolve conflicts peacefully (don’t all shout “Margaret Thatcher – Faulklands” at me, she was just one woman, statistically insignificant).

Says Professor van Vugt, “A solution to conflict…remains elusive. One reason for this may be the difficulty we have in changing our mindset which has evolved over thousands of years.”

I have a solution and I’m sure you can guess what it is!

Give women equal billing in the world. Have a more gender balanced approach to power, a true balance, and lets see what happens.

If this is of interest you may also like We Women Do Compete. And do let me know what you think; I love to hear your views.

Photo Credit: Kriss Szkurlatowski

Are You Discriminating?

However,’ right on’ you are, however up to date on the latest anti-discriminatory behaviour, however many diversity courses you have been on, there is probably one last bastion of discriminatory behaviour that all of us still seem comfortable with….

Ageism.

So many of us are continually giving ourselves a negative message about old age and making comments that we would never utter about other sectors of society.

And worse, we do it to ourselves all the time, reinforcing a negative message about something that should be a cause for celebration. In the UK our longevity is increasing. Compared to our forebears we are living longer and more healthily than ever before.

Power of self talk

We all know how powerful the internal messages that we give ourselves are. If we continually tell ourselves we are old so we can’t do things, then we can’t. You know the old truism, if you say you can, you can. If you say you can’t, you can’t. Both statements hold true!

So next time you hear yourself making a derogatory joke about being older, pause a while.

Stop all the derogatory or comical references to ageing for a day, especially in relation to yourself. It’ll probably be harder than you think. You’ll be surprised just how many you make. “It’s my age” are banned words for one day as are ‘look at that stupid OLD duffer hogging the middle lane (lots of stupid young duffers hug the middle lane, nothing to do with age!),

Hopefully we’ll all grow old, so let’s show a bit of respect and banish ageism!

Take a look at Age & Women for more on this topic.

PS I run a course on valuing experience and making the most of experienced workers. If you’re interested in finding out what it can do for your organisation, do call 01761438749 for more details

So, Will You Have Lilies or a Pint?

I don’t intend this to be a sad post although I will be mentioning the taboo subject of death so look away now if you don’t fancy it!

When you get to a certain age it’s a pretty safe bet that you will have had a fair bit of experience of loss in your life and attended one or two funerals. By and large I think funerals are a very good thing and I want mine to be heaps of fun but preferably after I’ve conked out with a glass of gin in hand following an uproarious 100th birthday party where I’ve danced the night away!

But seriously, it is important to mark events in our lives, happy and sad, and all cultures do it. I am a great fan of tombstones and was recently thinking about my father’s memorial stone, which always makes me smile.

My Dad died many years ago; he had cancer so we had some time to plan for his demise and subsequent funeral arrangements. After a cremation in Bath we took his ashes back to Edinburgh where he was buried in a family grave. We were able to add a small stone for him which prompted much discussion! We didn’t have a lot of space but we particularly wanted to put something that would give a flavour of what my Dad was like.

Eventually we settled on his titles, son, father, grandfather and occupation. It didn’t seem enough. But then we remembered he had a little phrase he always used when shaking your hand (well, he always used it if he liked you.)

He would say:

‘Here’s my hand, here’s my heart‘.

And so we put that on his stone. We’d also noticed that several of the surrounding headstones had little carvings on which added to the information about the deceased, like a motorbike, or a house or plane. So we pondered long on what to put on my Dad’s. It began as joke but somehow stuck and eventually we had a perfect pint of beer, in a straight glass, with a head (but still a full pint) etched to one side of the stone. The stonemeason was rather bemused and said he had never been asked for that before, lilies being more usual. However, he obliging carved out a pint of John Smith’s and now my father’s grave raises a smile from many who pass by it and always a hefty grin from us and happy memories, which surely is what tombstones should be about?

What phrase best sums you up? If you had to choose an image for yourself what would you choose?

I have a much longer (and serious) article on Coping with Loss and Bereavement which you can read here.

PS My Dad died on January 21st 1998 after some very tender loving care at Dorothy House hospice. My daughter is running the Bath Half Marathon to raise money for the hospice so if you’d like to follow her progress, here’s the link to her fundraising page.