It’s Definitely Not Your Fault! And Maybe It’s Not Their Fault Either….?

Blame. I’ve been cogitating it on its usefulness quite a bit this week having had something tricky to sort out. It’s a natural human reaction (even though I’ve illustrated it with a cat…); something goes wrong so we look for someone to blame.

Definition of blame:

1. responsibility for something that is wrong or deserving censure; culpability
2. an expression of condemnation; reproof  to blame to be at fault or culpable

verb (transitive)
1. (usually followed by for) to attribute responsibility to; accuse ‘I blame him for the failure’
2. (usually followed by on) to ascribe responsibility for (something) to ‘I blame the failure on him’
3. to find fault with

There may be times in your life when it’s appropriate to seek a culprit, in legal matters perhaps when we need to bring someone to justice and to stop further ills.

Most of the time, however, we tend towards a knee jerk reaction to events that happen to us. Someone must responsible.  And if we can’t make an individual responsible we make events or whole group of people responsible. I’ve done it and I’m pretty sure you’ve done it. It absolves us from responsibility and it can be quite comforting “Not MY fault“. Therefore I can’t be expected to do anything.

That way victim-hood lies. We can get stuck in a place unhelpful to us and our personal development.

Sometimes when we find ourselves in a pickle, or affected by a change outwith our control we have to say to ourselves: this matters to me more than anyone else. It’s a mess, it needs fixing, looking for someone to blame is unproductive and sapping my energy.

Sometimes you have to stop looking to blame someone, take responsibility and just get things sorted.

In your life who do you find yourself reflexively blaming, and how might it benefit you to stop?

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Posted on February 15th, 2013 by

6 Responses to “It’s Definitely Not Your Fault! And Maybe It’s Not Their Fault Either….?”

  1. Considering the conversation I just had, this is a timely post. Really, there is always a time when it’s best just to count your blessings and move on.

    • Jane says:

      Ah sorry to hear that. I saw your tweet. Sometimes you just have to ‘suck it up’ when it matters to you.

  2. Inge says:

    Ha! Thanks for that. It’s my husband. The poor guy gets the blame for everything that I am unhappy about in my life. It’s obviously very toxic for our relationship, and doesn’t help me change a single thing. After all, I would have to change husbands to change my life.

  3. Niki says:

    Great post Jane, I think that the current ‘blame culture’ that we live with is terribly damaging, all whipped up by the media. Blame is so much about pointing the finger so that people look ‘over there’ rather than accepting their own responsibility, or that it is simply ‘one of those things’

    • Jane says:

      Hi Niki, yes,I think I’d agree with you. Too much scape-goating which leads to defensive behaviour-not creative! Jane

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