Top Tip for 2012!

It’s the end of the year and my advice to you is don’t make any New Year Resolutions!

Really, it s probably not a good time. You’re probably tired, you may have over eaten (No, surely not!), you may have over indulged in other ways, probably have a backlog of work waiting on your desk, and may be thinking about money, or lack thereof. And everyone is talking about New year resolutions. (Including me, sorry!)

So, Jane, I hear you cry, so if I’m not to join everyone else in making new year resolutions on 1st January which I struggle to keep and abandon half way through January to be plagued with guilt feelings until about mid February when I get back to normal…sort of, what should I do be doing?

Well, dear reader, far be it from me to tell you what to do but as a coach and writer of personal development courses for women (I can’t help myself) I do have a suggestion you might like to try.

Look Back in Kindness

Lots of good things will have happened to you in 2011. Take some time to recognise what those good things were. Generally these things aren’t just random; you probably did something to help those good things happen. However, we all have a tendency to focus on what went wrong and your head may be full of what didn’t go the way you wanted it to. But even when things seem to go wrong good can result.

Name Calling

Often at this time of the year we are calling ourselves names, (so fat, so feckless with money, so disorganised etc) and we set about resolving to ‘fix’ ourselves. We’re not kind to ourselves. We can start with an assumption that we need fixing.

We’re staring with a negative.

Which is not a good place to start. So accentuate the positive! Look back on your year in kindness and remember all the good that came out of 2011, all those minor triumphs. It may be the job interview that you got really great feed back from (whether you got the job or not), the new friend you made, the new skill you learned, or the wisdom about yourself you accrued (and it’s harder to accrue wisdom if nothing ever goes wrong in your life!)

And that’s it. That’s my tip for 2012. Go forth into 2012 tonight with a kindly view of 2011. Build on the good, let go of the bad. Take an appreciative inquiry view to life and be true to yourself!

And have a fabulous 2012, being you!

Photo Credit: Free Graphics

Girls Just Love Pink! And blue, and green, and yellow…

Later this week I am on a radio show talking about the type of marketing aimed at girls. To be precise, pink marketing aimed at girls; little sweet princess’ marketing aimed at girls. (I would tell you the story about my son and his beloved boy doll here but he’s 25 now and probably wouldn’t thank for me it!)

Suffice to say, I don’t believe this marketing strategy is good for boys or girls; it’s stifling and dull and lacking in imagination.

Research on Pink/Blue Gender Stuff

If you’d like to read some stuff from the grown ups on pinkiness, try this article from the Guardian newspaper, written after Hamleys the famous London toy store, changed it’s policy. This is the conclusion of that piece:

“There is no scientific evidence that boys prefer blue and girls prefer pink. Up until the early 20th century the trend was the opposite and baby boys were dressed in pink and girls in blue. There are also some – small – studies suggesting that adults of different cultures have different tastes in colours. It’s clear that colour preference is learnt rather than innate.

There is some evidence that boys are in some way hardwired to express an early interest in “rough and tumble” games and toys with moving parts and girls to prefer dolls and role-play games, but this is not conclusive because the studies are often in babies and small toddlers and therefore inevitably difficult to analyse. The differences that have been found are also often not very big. At two years, for example, 52.7% of girls in one study chose to look at a dolls face over a car, compared with 47.9%; not a huge variation.

Those who argue that there is some sort of genetic or hormonal trigger that sets a gender divide in toy preference cite studies that show that girls who are overexposed to male hormones in the womb are more likely to like “boys’ toys” and others that show monkeys of different sexes following similar patterns to children. This area is fiercely contested. However, even those who argue that there are innate factors emphasis that these are small and amplified by the characteristics children acquire from birth, which in turn differentiate and shape children’s brains so that boys’ and girls’ brains might well look different.”

Another useful website on this topic is Pink Stinks which campaigns vigorously against the gender stereotyping type of marketing aimed at children.

And for a child’s view on gender stereotyping this great little video from Riley says it all really! Enjoy and doesn’t it give you hope for the future! For Pink Stuff ( a rant from Riley against gender stereotyping) click this link!

What do YOU think on Pink?

PS. I actually LOVE pink as a colour, but I’m very glad I had my children when there was a range of colours to choose from – red, blue, yellow, green, sky blue pink, polka dots, lemon, azure, maroon, purple, tartan, stripes, dots……

Photo Credit: Madlyn

Women, Avoid Martyrdom This Christmas!

How are you? How are you feeling right now? No really, how ARE you? How you doing?

I imagine that quite a few of you are feeling a tad stressed and overwhelmed with all you have to do, both at work and at home. It’s the time of year when our work home balance can get quite out of kilter.

If that feels like you right now take a few minutes to consider this:

Christmas will happen whatever.

Christmas is not simply one day-it’s a season. If it doesn’t go right one day there’s another on the way.

Most things will still be there on December 28th.

Time is man made. There is no law that says everything must be completed on time (except  tax-do your tax returns on time!)

Are you succumbing to the well known ‘I must be superwoman at work as well as making my own mince pies and knitting a witty cat blanket and still look gorgeous’ syndrome? It’s rife at this time of the year and very infectious. If you haven’t been inoculated you could be in danger.

If you’re getting caught up in the pressures that are heaped onto women’s heads at this time of year (by ourselves as well as others) take a moment to pause and reflect. Try giving yourself this mini cure.

The Cure for Martyrdom

What really matters to you and those you care about during this season? If you come up with the answer a beautiful magazine-photo-fit home and hand knitted mince pies then you’d better give that some priority.

But most of us won’t come up with that answer. Most of us will want a relaxing, argument-free time with people we care about, if we can manage it. If the cards don’t get posted on time, they’ll arrive late; the world won’t stop spinning on it’s axis.

Remember to take a break now and again. Recent research shows that people who practice mindfulness are particularly resistant to the blandishments of the ad industry, and frankly that’s what’s we’re talking about here. Being constantly bombarded with images of the perfect woman organising her perfect Christmas for her perfect family, while wafting clouds of Chanel and simpering Nigella like over the bread sauce are so not real! They are figmentsof the admen’s world.

Instead, let’s ‘channel’ Marje Simpson enjoy ourselves! Cheers, purple haired lady!

P.S. I think it might just be me with the cat blanket thing..substitute your own pointless activity.

Photo Credit: Steven J Sullivan

Feminist Talk?

Does the language we use matter? I think so. If you only ever hear talk of fireMEN OR policeMEN or books and articles constantly refer to ‘he’, it is sending out a message about who is in charge. The use of fire-fighter and police officer gives a much more gender neutral message!

In truth it can be cumbersome to always try and address both genders and the results are not always elegant. However, metaphor has an important role in our understanding and story telling so it does matter.

When I was in management I often got irked by the male metaphors constantly used in meetings (by both genders). In the grand scheme of things it’s a relatively minor irritation but sometimes for fun I would deliberately inject a few female metaphors. (See my last post Twisted Sister for an attempt at this – did it work?)

Share Your Feminist Metaphors & Analogies

So let’s have a bit of fun. Think of as many male type phrases in constant use in the workplace currently, such as:

Run it up the flag pole and see who salutes

Ball park figure

Move the goal posts

Throw in the towel (boxing)

Spitting (or other things) into the wind

I’m sure you have loads of your own to add. Now, try to imagine a conversation or business meeting where all those phrases are replaced with ones which strongly relate to the other half of the population. What have you got? Please share! I’ll send a fee download of my book to the best or funniest!

Twisted Sister?

Tights in a Twist?

You know how it is; you get up in a rush, grab a pair of tights (pantyhose)  from the drawer you meant to sort out at the week end, hurriedly check for holes and pull them on.

A quick look in the mirror, all seems OK, then the mad dash for work and before you know it you’re in your first meeting of the day.

But something’s not quite right.

Somehow those tights have become twisted. They are the ones you discarded last week but somehow escaped the bin and stayed in your drawer. You’re so uncomfortable. You give them a surreptitious hitch but it only serves to make matters worse.

Your first meeting is with a new client you really want to impress. As you lean forward to listen intently you feel it – that movement down your leg like a feather gently travelling from thigh down to toe. You freeze. Oh no, a ladder. By dint of not moving too much you can trap it at knee height before it travels into full view but it’s not a comfortable place to be. Your face is contorted with the effort of smiling and manoeuvring your legs in such a way to stop the run and it’s not a good look. You’re really not giving of your best….

Preparation is All

Sometimes you just have to sort out your tights drawer and throw out the ones that aren’t up to the job any more. For times when you need to give of your best you need to have the best around you. Be it equipment, people, or tights! How many pairs of twisted tights are there in your life right now? Maybe it’s time to have a sort out?

Photo Credit: John Nyberg

Do You Know Where Your Pause Button Is?

Are you getting caught up in the pre-festival frenzy?  Did you start out very organised and resolved not to be caught out this year yet somehow find yourself speeding up as the days go on? Do you feel like you’re stuck on fast forward?

If the answer is yes, perhaps it’s time to press pause.

Stop

There was a fascinating item on BBC radio a while back about mindfulness. Apparently people who practice mindfulness are a much harder bunch for advertisers to sell to (they can be less stressed all round, see this post). Or rather they were able to resist more effectively the intense pressure of advertising than other groups. They didn’t need so many things to feel content. So here’s a very short mindfulness type exercise which won’t eat into your day but may reduce your stress levels and act like your own internal pause button during these busy weeks.

The Press Pause Exercise

Each hour has 60 minutes. Choose one of those sixty minutes and do the following:

Pause in whatever you are doing (in safety-obviously!). If possible lower or close your eyes.  Become aware of just what your body is doing. Notice if your feet are on the ground, hooked round a chair, if you have crossed legs, etcetera? Now pay attention to your torso. How are you holding yourself, are you able to breathe as well as you can?

Now notice your breathing. How are you breathing? Just take notice, don’t change it (although almost inevitably just being aware will slow your breathing).

Notice how you actually feel. Don’t judge, just notice what your feelings are, become conscious of your emotions.

And finally, when convenient for you, breathe out one breath for a slightly longer time than normal. Just one.

Open your eyes.

Smile.

Press go.

Photo credit: M Kranz