Tips to Boost Your Confidence

Do you sometimes find yourself losing confidence? Do you have flashes of seeing yourself failing at whatever you want to do? Is lack of confidence in your abilities holding you back from living life to the full?

If you answered yes to any of the above you are not alone. Very few of us get by without the occasional blip in our confidence levels. And even the most confident of people have moments when they feel they just can’t do it. Honestly!

The good news is that we can learn to be confident! Confidence is a feeling and we are in charge of our feelings!

I Feel…?

The next time the confidence wobble strikes, take a few moments to acknowledge just how you are feeling. Make a conscious attempt to slow your breathing (just being aware of it can help slow it) and note how you feel physically and emotionally. Are you hot, or in a cold sweat, or even shaking slightly? Do you feel anxious, nervous, or even angry? Try to be quite specific and honest with yourself.

Slowing your breathing will help with the nervousness. Practise doing that until it comes easily to you, but don’t hyperventilate!

Internal mail

Now focus on what is your internal mail saying to you. You may be so used to hearing it that you don’t even realise it’s there. It’s like spam, unwanted messages piling into your in box.

But in this case simply deleting it is not enough because once it’s in there it’s already infecting everything else, so we have to neutralise it. Your automatic spam mail is sapping your confidence, slowly and insidiously, like a virus.

You may hear phrases like:

“You’re getting above yourself here”

“Keep in the background, no one is interested in you”

“You’re too stupid to take part in this conversation”

“Don’t challenge the status quo, don’t rock the boat!”

“People like you don’t get jobs like that”

Ring any bells? Honestly we all do it; the trick is to be aware of it, and then stop it before it gets too strong a hold in any one situation.

And then make it work for you.

Work for You

Take your spammy message and make it positive.

Keep it simple.

Keep it positive.

Keep it real.

For example, “You’re too stupid…”. Where did that come from? If you spend long enough thinking about it, it might have been a phrase from a teacher that haunts you, or even a casual throw away comment from parents or guardians that hit you at a vulnerable time. And you may have been unconsciously nurturing it ever since, allowing it to grow and flourish.

Time to let it go. You are clearly not stupid but constantly giving yourself that negative message is sapping your confidence. You are making yourself feel stupid.

Saying it to yourself has become habit, possibly even a comforting habit. So simply not saying it will be difficult. You need to replace it with something that works for you, and only you know what that is. It has to be something that you would say so taking someone else’s words or mantra probably won’t work.

Your new message needs to be something along the lines of “I am as good as everyone else here” or “My views are useful” or “I’ll give it a go – I’ll survive”

Confidence Mantra

Take a moment now to design your own confidence mantra. Think of it as your spam control. When that insidious  message creeps in again, zap it with the powerful mantra. You’ll need to practise a few times but it will work. Those little messages are well lodged and will want to stay, but you can get rid of them! You can you know! You are much more powerful than a few words!

No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent”– Eleanor Roosevelt. Great quote!

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Posted on April 20th, 2010 by

4 Responses to “Tips to Boost Your Confidence”

  1. Great post! I was saying yes to all of it! The breathing is key altho I forget when I’m ‘in a pickle’. Need to get a mantra!

    Thanks Jane!

    • Jane says:

      I know, it’s hard to remember when the panic sets in! I recommend to coaching clients that they practise it when they are not stressed-seems to make it come more naturally. I learned it when I had singing lessons but I still forget to do it at times. Thanks again for dropping in!

  2. Great post

    I use mantras a lot and it really works. I also use to be creative in rephrasing the questions I ask myself to put myself in a more positive state.

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