Have You Got an ‘Inner Doormat’?

Do you sometimes feel put upon, work or home? Does it seem that you are always last in the line when good things are dished out? Did you really want one of the cream cakes but held back, and are now glumly looking at a tired old rock bun?

Your Inner Doormat

If so, your inner doormat may be showing! Do you often find yourself feeling quietly aggrieved, and simmeringly resentful at the way you are treated? Are you the one that colleagues always ring when they need cover? Do you say yes, when really you want to say no? Are you  great at doing the martyred female put upon by unthinking, selfish others?

If so, I have a question for you.

Have you asked?

Have you actually thought about what it is you want and then taken steps to get it? I don’t mean doing a back double triple flip somersault across the office floor in order to snatch the last cream cake from an astonished colleague who has a hand hovering over the plate! (Although that would be amazing!)

I mean being upfront and honest, first with yourself, and then with others, about what you want.

If you want others to take you seriously, notice you, acknowledge your wishes, you have to first take yourself seriously and have respect for yourself.

Women Settle for Less

Women, much more than men, undervalue themselves. Have you heard of the experiment when a job was advertised with a fair but high salary? Can’t remember the salary but above the average, say 60k a year. Loads of guys applied, hardly any women. Then the same advert went out, identical in all respects, but this time the salary was significantly lower. That was the only change. And guess what? Hardly any chaps applied but loads and loads of women did. All well qualified for the role! And all could have applied at the higher salary but clearly undersold themselves. The inner doormat held sway!

Not Selfish

The reasons behind your inner doormat behaviour will be many and varied and, unless it’s the result of deep psychological trauma, it doesn’t really matter why. For many, it’s part of a ‘please others’ driver; asking for what you want seems selfish. And if you always put your own needs above those of others Id’ probably agree; that seems selfish. But always putting yourself last is not particularly helpful behaviour either.

Know What You Want

Next time you want find your inner doormat emerging, pause for a moment. Ask yourself why you shouldn’t have a cream cake once in a while, and say, smiling and assertively, ‘Does anyone mind if I take this one?’ (These confidence tips might help) And then, and this is most important, ENJOY IT!

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Posted on October 7th, 2010 by

4 Responses to “Have You Got an ‘Inner Doormat’?”

  1. You caught me, Jane. I wrote a post called are you a Martyr early this year that talked about how I know I have that attitude or mindset. It really does get in the way. I like your suggestions. I have been working on it anyway but good thoughts, my friend!

  2. Tracey Allen says:

    I think we learn it from our mothers I recently was telling my Mother about an idea I wanted to pitch to the director of a client.
    She said “Why should they listen to you, They are successful business men.”
    I didn’t listen and I am now one of the last 2 companies they are considering

  3. […] including my own family members. I know that people need to be asked, often want to be asked, but I struggle to do that. I don’t want to impose or make work for […]

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